The Longer Road...

This entry is mainly for me to organize certain thoughts. Trying to articulate what the hell has been going on with me. If it seems a bit disjointed... just disregard that.

There have been internal physical issues that I've been dealing with for years. For the most part, I saw these things as a nuisance. The problem has been that they seldom "hit" but when they do "hit"... they hit hard enough to become disruptive and since my heart situation has yielded impressive results, I've decided to knock these out as well. Since then, my research has taken me to notice a few things I've not heard come out of anyone's mouth. I hear A LOT about age related decline and "winding down". Except that for me... it's as though people are trying to convince me of it as opposed to actually feeling it or in my case... even looking the part. What I DON'T hear? Maybe we are meant to evolve as opposed to simply shutting down.

In my research, I found that my taking care of these nuisances would actually enhance abilities in me that I never even considered. I won't mention what they are but I can assure you that "improvement" wasn't something I was even looking at. Fixing these nuisances apparently have interesting secondary benefits I just recently became aware of. You see, most people have decided to "live with" such things as though it were a fact of life when in reality... we were literally meant to continue to improve beyond what everyone thinks are the cut-off points of "youth". My research has brought me to the conclusion that to "live with" certain health issues may actually be cutting off your ultimate potential in other areas and for me, that simply won't do. What do I mean? One example I can point to is training. Most of my life I trained my bodyparts 3 times a week for a certain result. To do this now is possible but I noticed a few years ago, it began yielding diminishing returns. I then decided to pull back to training bodyparts 2 times a week and saw myself yielding better results WITHOUT the diminishing returns. "Well that just means you have to slow down!!" Yes & no... to put it like that denotes a deficiency when what it actually means is that my body has matured in its' ability to maintain an above average baseline of muscle without as much effort as it took to get there. What does this mean for "life"? It means less time & energy spent on training which in turn means more time to "live" & improve in other areas. 

To illustrate what I mean, consider the fact that the master swordsman expends way less energy than an intermediate swordsman would. Why? His muscle memory instinctively guides his basic movement to attack and parry against the more complex/flashy movement most unseasoned swordsmen would bring to the table. He "wins" with less effort. Not because he must or because he is weaker now but because he has evolved into his "best". To attempt to go beyond that would be detrimental to how far he's come via diminishing returns. Again... "mindset" is EVERYTHING. To believe that this is "winding down" is a fallacy. What this is really... is evolution and I intend to ride this wave as far as it takes me. If I thought I was "good" at something... I intend to become "great" at it. THAT is my road. I can already see it happening but I must accept that it is so. To understand me is to accept that I am a man that challenges the status quo in my heart of hearts from the standpoint of "how does this affect me?". I don't want to be different to be seen as edgy or to be seen at all. I just know that most of our zeitgeist carries ideas that are incomplete or straight out false. I just want to live out TRUTH. Deeper than "my truth" or this or that truth. Beyond conspiracy theory or conjecture. THE truth you feel me? The one that peels back all the layers of bullsh*t laid on thick that were meant to shield us from discomfort or even growth. I know that only in this... can we ever hope to meet our next level best.

The question that I've not tackled yet is a bit more profound. If I'm right about this and the physical has and always will work the same as our innermost, what does that say about emotional maturity? Do emotions evolve the same way? My soulish heart feels heavy at times. Overworked, used and sometimes exhausted from "feeling" so much. I've wanted to "shut down" many times but refuse to as that would diminish all I truly am. So what's the answer? What I know is that the answer is NOT "winding down". The answer might be akin to accepting the emotional logic learned at master levels while exploring those emotionally unchecked areas that arise without allowing them to disrupt all I've built (if I could help it). This way, we should continue to evolve without ever "checking out". Learning to center and focus passion. All while increasing the passion for that which we're focused on. Sounds right but it's all questions at this point of my introspection. I know I'll get clarity soon enough. It's a process baby!! I'm out...

~moses apollo