I remember working as an AB on The Dodge Island, and I was two weeks into my four week tour. Clarence (names changed to maintain anonymity) came on board at the same time my mentor Hector did. Both were black men coming on board when the Bama boys (Alabama) shift was workin days...first time I ever saw REAL racism. Now you might think we were "outraged" and called the company to make a stink at some comments, but no. We "handled" it. In the real world, we see these types as simple men who didn't come to know any better in life. We mainly look at them as antiques that never grew in value. It's not worth the energy it takes to even be bothered.
The two were eventually assigned to me, and I was to show them their duties as AB's. After some time, Captain Lightfoot asked me to give him a report on them both...especially Clarence. Cap was getting reports that he was having a bit of a hard time acclimating to things on board but given those reports were coming from the Bama boys, I told Cap to take them with a grain of salt. I told him that I saw potential in Clarence and that he had the makings to be a great seaman. About a week in, Clarence made a glaring error, and Cap came up to me to tell me he wasn't too sure about this kid, and I simply told him..."Give him time." He said he'd give him a chance but that he'd hold me responsible if it didn't work out.
Well, it turned out that for the next few tours, I was able to get on a better vessel, and I thought the Dodge Island was behind me. That turned out to be wishful thinking. The next tour would be on the Dodge yet again, and upon arriving, I was met by the Captain as was customary. He pulled me aside to tell me that I was right about Clarence as he had become his right-hand man. He said that letting him go would have been a grave mistake. Clarence eventually took me aside as well. He thanked me for believing in him even though he was messing up as bad as he was. He asked what he could do for me in return. I just said, "Keep making my judgment look good... do even better."
So why this story?
When I see potential... I hold fast to that belief till it is no longer reasonable or feasible to do so. There are many in my life that have made mistakes. Many that have made promises they intended to keep but couldn't as of yet that I have refused to lose faith in for years. Why? I saw in them something that let me know they were a safe enough bet. Their character let me know their promises were not made in deceit and their errors were all too human. To date, most have come through. Some have not but I have faith they eventually will. To believe in someone's potential is a hard thing. Even when it's based on proven ability. You can set yourself up for disappointment if you do so without understanding them and not everyone can stick it out for however long it takes. It's called "faith" for a reason and I have my own reasons to extend it outward to most.
See, I know what its like when an idea or investment (financial and emotional) takes so long, folk begin to question you and your credibility. It especially sucks when you really have no control over the circumstances surrounding the delay. Even if you've never made promises to them directly, it starts wearing on their belief in you when you have yet to complete what you said you would. Some are too polite to say anything and others begin to harbor resentment because your plans could have eventually involved them in some way. That last one...really sucks. You notice it in "language" and the "yeah right" looks they give when they think you're not looking. If you're like me that notices everything...you'll see it.
If this happens to you, try to keep an understanding spirit about it and keep doin you. They can believe or not. It shouldn't change your speed or course. However I do believe that in such cases you should back away as such a thing will eventually lead to disrespect and that's one thing I nor anyone else should tolerate. It is in no way merited or justified, but humans tend to "human". Backing away is never easy from people you love but how can you stick around someone that has already given up on you? If your future plans had them involved in some way, that now organically comes into doubt. Especially when love is involved and in these cases, it's a horrible feeling. It's neither in spite or anger but because you start to think, if they've quit on you once... the chances are probably good they'll be doing it again. You want folk around you that will tell you to keep goin... to keep pressin. Not to quit on you cause "we ain't there yet" you feel me? It is NOT an easy decision to make, but in such circumstances... the decision is kind of already made FOR you.
Folks, I tend to see things that could turn out to be as far as years away as "right around the corner". I keep the hope and flame for them alive as long as it takes to manifest. Yet I am learning that this is best done alone and in silence... and so I think it shall be. I'm out...
~moses apollo
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