i personally don't think it's that big of a deal but i kind of got the gist today that if folk had the option of turning me into something more conventional...they would. i am in constant flux...always looking to head towards something bigger and folk seem to make the mistake that this automatically translates to my feelings for them being in constant flux as well. not being able to separate character improvement/refinement/development from emotional content. sometimes they overlap but not very often (very rare) because when i find a connection, i take my personal "movements" into account and ask myself if that connection can withstand something like that and 9 times out of ten...it can (except im the only one that seems to be convinced of it lol). i find that somewhat refreshing because it means you literally cannot label me in any way, shape or form. consider what's commonplace today: she does A...he'll do B. she does C...and he will immediately jump on D, E & F. it's like clockwork due to the conformity that's taken place. in my case, she does A...and i will laugh and say "what? you expect me to do B?". never in such a way as to feel like i'm avoiding manipulation or in an aggressive way but moreso in a vibe that says "i get that this is the way it usually is but with me...you gotta be human".
so what do i usually get after awhile? folk that would rather not have to think so much in their dealings with me. i can see it in time and it's somewhat amusing. this is why i usually get relegated to "the fine, deep conversation guy" or the guy "i'd like to have something with but it might be too much work". they'll usually have some dude or dudes they got buttons for they talkin to. not to really get too serious with but just because it's more familiar. i'm literally laughing as i type this. to make a decision towards me is like some "life changing" decision for some of them lol they gotta get their families together and make the announcement "ok family...i've decided to get serious with Moe" lmfao to which I'm pretty sure the response would be: "who?" lol the "bold" (i mean this in the sense of entreating me) are the ones that roll with me because they've either known me long enough to "get me" or their desire/curiosity outweighs their logistical brakes. the latter are usually noted by the fact that they just don't care how they sound...they want what they want. i will talk about something current and they'll say something (smiling) like "i have no idea nor do i care...when can i see you again" and i'm honestly good with that kind of realness. i'm also good with those that are intellectually compatible but are far from being snobbish. it's easier to touch on topics and there's no "one-upping" the other on "what we know". in short...it makes little difference to me. character above all else folks...
you know what? i dig this kind of writing. i consider this piece a light-hearted revelation...
so yeah...folks? you don't have to tip-toe nor do i have any particular expectations. some folk read my writings and formulate their conversation style/topic around that expecting me not to notice but once again...NOT a negative. why? cause everyone "tries"...why fault anyone for that? i'd just rather you be yourself and let me make the choice if that's what i want to be down with. oh and just so everyone is aware...i got the manual...i read the manual...hell, i might've even had a hand in revising some of it. i just don't bother with the manual and when it comes to me...neither should you...i'm out...
~moses apollo
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