Mind: "Trust me you need to. I have a different perspective than you do and this last event has made me keener. I mean dammit...you still have your bandages on!!"
Heart: "I'm STILL in charge!!!!"
Mind: "Yeah, and that might be a problem. You my love are over-worked and way underpaid. I know you hate it when I say it but dammit it's true and it's my job to see it and tell you when I do. I have agreed you have to do you for us to feel alive but my job is to see that you are valued. To make sure all you are does not go to waste no matter how much you feel. YOU know I learned a lot to get here. Not through some bullsh*t school or youtube video but through actual experience. Now let me do my job. Back up, take some time...stop. I'm afraid you may be ignoring signs and signals just to persist. Give me time to evaluate things right."
Heart: "It's called giving folks the benefit of the doubt. You ought to try it sometimes. Lately you've been too quick to write people off on simplistic infractions."
Mind: "After all that's happened, it's hard not to want to waste anymore time. It's hard to ignore the voice of experience and wisdom and have to succumb to your notions of understanding and forgiveness. Our tolerance for bullsh*t has been high and that has to change. I don't want you to change but we have to be wiser. If you value honoring one's own worth as you say you do then you will allow the tweaks I want. Face it...we're different and that makes us valuable. It's not arrogant to admit it and you know all about false humility. Don't activate that sh*t now."
Heart: "It's just different for you is all. You are flippant about it. I can't do that. I'm more measured about it as I don't see it as a power the same way you do. I see it as a gift to be given out."
Mind: "Ok then mr self-righteous!! Remember what the Master says about giving? That we are basically tested with how we handle the little we have? How we are to freely give it out and NOT save or hoard it? That to do so would mean we would lose even that little we were given? You my friend give too damn much and are sometimes met with the hoarder. The kind that thinks to show any vulnerability or even simple respect with us is a weakness we would exploit. Either from past hurt or because of how we look. You know that sh*t is true!! It's my job to tell the difference!! You may not have arms or legs but what you do have in abundance is blood, love and passion but you are testing your limits to the brink!!"
Heart: "You know I have no limits and I will do as I must BUT...I will allow SOME of the tweaks you're suggesting. This new road IS based on vetting. I see your point on some things but like you look out for me...let me look out for you. Not everyone is gaming. Some folks are just being careful because of what they've been through. I know you want to write them off due to our last encounter but just be more judicious man. Your hardness compliments my softness but I just gave a little...you should do the same. Don't ever lose sight of what we learned from the Master so long ago and hold fast to it...love first my friend. We must lead with it everytime. You know that no matter how deep I may get, I'm always ready to hear & act on your side of things but always...me first."
Mind: "Yeah and that's the ONLY reason why you're in charge. I get what you're saying about being more judicious and you know I'm working on it. You know how we do. This time left a scar is all. Side note: does it bother you that folk are listening into our conversation? Some...might think you're crazy"
Heart: "As usual those that may think that don't understand me to begin with and their worth to me is at a level where their opinion means very little. I just really feel people will relate to this conversation and our give and take. People have lost sight of a simple truth. That they don't have to settle with how they feel or what they think when they feel they are spiraling out of control or feeling lost. We exist seperately for a reason. When you keep it brutally real, you become my therapist but that brutal honesty is a learned trait my friend & to most, their minds are simply yes men looking to validate their internal mess. Let them hear this just this once..."
Mind: "Well I'm just on the record as this not being a good idea... Anyway, glad we worked it out. Time to go to work..."
An internal conversation I had months ago. A common scenario where both mind and heart were correct. Neither right nor wrong...only degrees of each in every argument. The trick is found in their ability to convince the other of a singular symbiotic vision that can only bring true balance through brutal honesty. Before you can keep it real with anyone else...keep it real with yourself first. I'm out...
He had just had a moment with a beautiful woman in his apartment and it was time to leave. Just as they were getting ready he stopped, shut his eyes and took in a classical movement being played on his stereo. She looked at him and simply said "beautiful Moe..."...shaking her head in sweetness. She really didn't get the fullness of what was happening in that moment.
To tell you that my life has had battles would be an understatement. One after the next. They either involved me personally or someone else I had been entrusted to help. Always something that needed my attention and/or presence. So I came to acknowledge this would be my life and that any moment of beauty or passion I was afforded would be a moment of sweet intermission for me. Not many knew of them because I was never one to carry them as a man of sorrows but they were always present...still are. To know this is to understand why the things people take for granted are so very dear to me and why to me, they are worth fighting for. Those seconds, minutes and hours of stillness, the sweet melodies inspired by a beautiful sunrise, walks in a park on a cloudy day with someone you've missed, sitting by a lakeside with someone you love or even the unexpected message of hope sent by someone special are everything to me. It will always be something most will never comprehend as most are built to want the "lifetime" but to me...that's what those moments represent. That's what those nights of passion mean to me. To be with someone you love deeply for whatever hours you are graced is like a sonnet that must last forever in my heart because there's always that sense...it might not come again. Sitting in a foxhole waiting for your relief could take months at a time and not everyone can wait that long. All that you've built in love can be tested and sometimes even lost. I understand it...all too well. It's just the way it is. To have one understand it though...is a gift. A welcome rarity to say the least...
I remember watching movies as a kid that had long musical scores between their well worth four hour spans. This was called "the intermission". It allowed the movie goer a time of respite from the drama they were taking in from the flick. They could use the bathroom, get some more popcorn or time to just sit there to think about the epic. Who knew there was a life lesson in there for me... My Lord is good to me...
bedtime...the wind blows ever so slightly pushing the sheer curtains forward touching the unkempt bed as the moonlight completes the ambience needed for the night. the barefoot, shirtless man in jeans walks into the bedroom to find you by your dresser drawer wearing a t-shirt that reaches the knee...and nothing else. candles accentuating your beautiful silhouette...
*"Amsterdam Blue" begins its slow long hum in the background*
you turn your back to him in anticipation as he calmly walks towards you. standing just inches behind you, his breath is now soft on the nape of your neck while his hands grow bold to become the eyes of his soul...exploring. his fingertips showing him all he needs to know as his lips softly kiss your neck. his hands slowly making their way downward from your shoulders on passed your hands. from thighs to hips...across your belly. one hand making its' way to supple breast as the other is drawn to supple mound...moist...and ready. your heart...beating faster. your breath...heavy. you...doing your very best to maintain composure while loving every bit of this expression of his love. your eyes...closed off to your surroundings. existing now solely in an ethereal plane your union has created. tips now slipping soft between lips he longs to taste. fingers find the warm and the wet as your gates begin their welcome. he kisses, nibbles and bites on your neck as your head now lays back on his shoulder. your composure weakens, your hips writhe as his hand remains steady at work. your hand reaches back to find him ready and you turn your head to find his lips waiting for the long awaited kiss that finally holds nothing back. lost in the throws of passion...the embers glow soft, building...
you now hear...
an alarm clock. you wake up in a cold sweat, wet, shaken and frustrated. it was all just a dream...or was it? stay tuned...
