Since I've decided to change things up in my training (since the pandemic) reactions seem to be more pronounced. Don't know if it's me or the "times" and since I see myself daily, the "changes" aren't all that visible to me. Today, one man said I should be in movies and a wino lady said I was "delicious" and a "big ole sweet teddy bear"...she wanted a hug and I obliged (usually don't) since her wino husband was standing behind her in approval lol I saw no malice in her and I considered it a kindness to folk that usually go ignored. Not a pat on the back (to myself)...just really felt this one for some reason. Don't know but I suspect I'll find out later.
Here's the kicker: both times...I felt nothing but gratitude. No shyness or recoil. Just an "ok thanks I really appreciate that" kind of vibe. Maybe it was the way they approached it or just me gettin used to my new "suit" lol You'd probably say: "Hey just post some pics!!" Easier said than done by someone that did this everyday till he became so sick of seein himself he had to virtually disappear for awhile. I created what I wanted. This next stage took it a bit further and seeks now to have it all "set it"...keeping it longer (and easier) than most. I don't mind takin the pics and I eventually will...just gotta get my mind in it again. Hate doin stuff half-ass you feel me? Anyway...back to our regularly scheduled programming ;-)
stateless, dateless...weightless in waiting. when life is put on hold it takes the bold to say yes, the old to say no...but the timeless still find the flow to grow. phases tame me numb to the gun of despair. i smile at it in derision knowing that all things must pass into process. in this 10x10 nothing can hurt me but nothing can touch me either lest i allow it. i hold on to hope by a thread i tirelessly keep re-building into an unbreakable line. slow are the days, the months and the years the clock is watched so i ignore it altogether. i hear the tik and the tock like an annoying buzz in my ear i swat at daily. where others see years...i see the seconds, minutes and hours the moments in the now afford.
sunsets and sunrises are a privilege. a kiss, a word of love, an embrace across the skies...all seasonings to me. intermissions between battles. i see it and feel it all but it's hard to take in completely. never knowing for sure when i'll be apt to sit at the table prepared for me. mindful as i try to keep up maintenance for those on my shoulders. no tears, no pain without complaint...only the press for other's progress and the internal gains these provide me. brutal will to the finish line drives me to the next level of evolution. replete with new challenges. where coping mechanisms have all been exhausted by experience and where what matters most is all that's left to expend energy on. stoic on my quest for this incarnation of "me" to bleed out into the next. where promises delayed are still promises set to keep. where all is sweeter in clarity in a world gone mad. where passion delves deeper into hearts that still beat and beauty has made its' home in the irises of my soul. in my Lord...nothing can stop me...nothing will deter me. this i declare...this, i know. as the world turns...i stand. He has made me a king...i can do anything...
Yeah...one got me about a month back...stayed up with me. In one scene, someone I care for asked me to watch over her kids while she was on a trip and we wound up bonding. Her kids, with me and mine. In the dream, I woke up to see them sitting at what was presumably my table and my oldest was feeding her youngest. I also had one on one time with both her oldest as they each needed advice on some things. It was odd but cool. When she came back, I told her all that happened and she was visibly upset that such a thing would take place. Why? Because I was a transient love in her life..."mommy's friend". A role I was more than fine with but what was I supposed to do? Ignore them? Hey!! I'm a very cool, likable individual!!! lol
What was also strange about it all was that I honestly thought that was "over" but it most definitely was not...complications (way less than before) and all. I can tell my lifestyle will be an ever increasing episodic moment to moment kind of thing...I'm cool with that but will everyone else be just as cool with it? Maybe not, no idea and I honestly can't bring myself to care as much as I used to. I spell it out clear from jump you dig? Love and honor demand it. It deters many but if they leave on the truth of things then it was not meant to be. "No mask"...remember? Anyway, I saw the timetable on this one and everything...cool stuff.
What is time but a construct "finite" beings can use to quantify their existence. Look above it as an infinite being and what can you see? Infinite possibilities that change based on choice and outside that construct? Blocks of...oh damn you'all ain't ready for that yet lol
"Just say when and I'll take you to my Tardis Who's the hardest?..."
To my male friends, family and readers: If you come to me asking about "how to" court a woman and you see it as too "simple" to "work" for you, do me a favor...check out YouTube. I'm sure you can find a video entitled "5 Steps To Make Her Want You" just as as easy as you would anything else. Men...that ain't me. Take some time and go through this blog. You'll see it is a testimony that I'm sincere and consistent when I say "be yourself". No tricks, no pretense, no agendas...no games. Put the best of your real foot forward and let it do what it do. If you have any value to offer one you find value in...then it will happen whether you want it to or not. Now, you can bag chicken-heads all day with your "how-to" lessons but women of quality require quality and that is something you can only fake for so long. And what is quality? You think it's a beautiful face? Nice tits and ass? How about "independent" and "well to do" maybe? Nah...those things are nice and all but true quality is far from those things. True quality is usually hidden under scars, heartache and forced smiles. It's surface is strength but it's a strength undergirded by a guarded heart that still has hope, faith, love and passion. Something you can't just use and abuse. Requiring your passion to breathe oxygen into it's lungs. However faint..."beautiful" was preserved in the face of a lot of trial and pain and THAT is the testimony of a heart that knows what is most important in life. If you are a man of quality, you'll pick it up right away but if you're on your way there, you'll take the time to mine her heart to find it. Not because you want to take something from her but because you are interested to know her...for her. Cheesy as hell but true none the less.
So if you ever ask me for advice, I will begin by asking you to tell me all about her and your time together. If it begins and ends on surface levels that include but are not limited to how thick her ass looks in jeans...then I ain't the one you need to be talkin to. I can speak on surface levels but I choose not to if that's all you're gonna want. It's like asking a chef of fine cuisine how to eat a Big Mac. That ain't bragging...I just know my strengths. All the women I've come to love are women of quality. Extremely desirous women that had no "need" for a man (whether they knew it or not) saw something worth loving in me. I've been blessed...and still am.
My brothers...if I ever told you to "be yourself" it was only because I saw in the natural "you" an undeniable charm or character trait that I knew women would find endearing but it will never work for you unless you see it for yourself. You don't need a 4 or 5 step plan. Nor do you need to play act "the nice guy" or "the bad boy" when you already know who you are. Don't ever get to the place you have to fake being someone else to entice anyone. God forbid you should walk into a commitment (heavy or light) wearing a mask. At some point...it's comin off. What you're left with after that is never good...for anybody. I'm out...
~moses apollo
PS: Mentally, physically and emotionally...I'm so very tired. Maybe I should care a bit more about that...but I don't...
"tengo tu imagen en un pincel...ay amor, paso el dia pintandote..."
what if she came over that one night when she was in town? what if she had come back after driving everyone home like she wanted? what if you had gone over that night with the wine in hand that she had requested? i contend these are questions the hearts' imagination has already provided answers to...when souls meet one to one.
the "what if" that lingers in such cases is akin to an untested taste that expectation alone has proven sweet. it's the ecstasy felt inside that exists behind the longing eyes of an aching want. the softness of skin bitten, caressed and kissed a million times at heart. the naked skin on skin embrace that's been overtaken by a mist from forever. all breathed upon an open canvass inspired by connected souls desiring a culmination of all they've come to know.
the would've should've highs that had yet to materialize remain a beautiful memory in the chambers of expectation. they serve as imagination's branded kiss of the "more on past the door". some allow them to settle into something too cool to ruin, but others...rebrand them as an "as yet" that lay in the confines of an un-released passion. fueling desire. freed only by the waking of a hunger lust sweetly designed by this thing we call time...
...happened on the way to World War 3. I took stock within seconds. Yesterday I saw our global minded "leaders" hell bent on global domination salivating at the prospect of nuclear war. Do we have cause for concern? Well let me put it this way: the two most strategic places to hit from Russia's standpoint would be NY and DC. Living in Brooklyn...yeah, lil bit. Why would they do this? The so-called WEF's "Build Back Better" program is predicated on the idea that a handful of elites can make our lives "better" with them at the helm but to do this requires the destruction of all that is first. Taking out world leaders they could not control was the first step. The second required a conditioning of the human spirit to accept centralized control. The pandemic attempted to do this to an extent. What's next if they're not stopped? Well...you all can figure that one out.
Folks, I have no fear of death. I only fear (if that's a better word to describe it) succumbing to human conditioning when it comes to "aging". I realized rather quickly that aging means very little to the one whose heart is set on "living" life. That does not mean living a reckless life but it does mean venturing outside one's own comfort zone for the sake of perpetual growth. Experiencing pain, rejection and offense to build an immunity to such things. I've seen way too many young cats whose bodies have caught up with the mindset that avoids any pain or discomfort. The mindset of "set it and forget it" is an essential part of the circle of life that serves its' purpose but like everything else; stay there too long and it becomes unhealthy. You know that phrase "time will catch up to us all"? It's true...especially if you're standing still way past it's welcome. Balance my loves...is everything.
Moments like these can either drown us in fear or serve to provide us an opportunity to see and fight for what's really important to us. Like most things...the choice is ours. Realize...and crystalize...keep your hearts free. I'm out.
Flares will light up your sky from contemplation alone but like stars in the heavens; over time, you come to understand them as you would beautiful Christmas tree lights that perpetually adorn your window...adding color to your nights perspective. Yet when one of them begins to flicker enough to stand out, it's usually one of two things. One: It's on the brink of going out...or two: it's frequency's vibration is off the charts due to some heightened emotion. Near or far...both are worth tending to...
These are your stars. They light up your sky for a lifetime. Some can stand alone in the memory chain but less than a handful are strong enough to keep the rest lit. Most burn standard but these always burn brighter than the rest. They will always have special access to your attention...they burn exactly like you do. Would that they knew why...but it was never really my place to articulate.
Love and passion...will always be reason enough...
Tell me your hopes, your dreams, your desires...your passions. Tell me what they mean to you. Tell me how far you would go to meet them. Tell me about boundaries created by duty, honor and obligation and how you came to mark them. Tell me your definition of "life" and all you consider "happiness". Tell me about your love and all that makes you sigh. How you perceive a drizzling sky above an open field of flowers. Waxing poetic about fingertips on skin...prepped to both graze and to penetrate. Speak the unspoken...repair the broken. Allowing access to our space in time...that place of eternal moments. To share it all, investing the fullest heart....manifesting a passion only heavenly bodies can articulate. Breathing truth from soul to soul...holding fast to "heart for heart". Timeless, ageless, formless, hopeful, passionate and painfully raw.
Now ask me to describe "what we are"...to write down the "rules" of "unconventional convention". That I should answer as I do...in truth. An easy truth...just way too damn easy to accept. To now come to the realization that what happens next for us is no longer...inevitable...
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