This is a record of my dream dated August the 2nd 2022. I don't usually post dreams on this blog but this one may have significance to a few readers that may stumble upon it. It did for me...
I was dropped off in a rural area...literally flown in. In front of what looked to be a friend of mine's house. What struck me the most right away was that everything was monochrome gray and what could only be interpreted as deep sorrow and despair permeated the air. I noticed hints of neon blue light seeping from hidden places. As though this light had been stashed away for either safe keeping or décor. As I got closer to the house, I noticed that the house had melded with a huge likeness of my friend sitting in a meditative pose but instead of the peace one would expect from such a design...it reeked of heavy sorrow. You could feel it crawling...almost like sweat on skin.
In the next scene, I was walking with my friend in a field that was in front of the house. I remember that as I made my friend laugh, color began seeping onto her face, only to have her shake it off herself. Like she knew the gray and had decided that it was now part of her existence. I also knew that asking about the sorrow and despair would have yielded a response of ignorance to it since it had become the "norm" for her and everything else in the air. It wasn't that she had chosen it. It was as though it came with a built-in coping mechanism so long as it could make it's way into the fabric of her life. Everything was just so surreal at this point.
As we walked into town, I noticed splotches of color here and there but for the most part, monochrome gray was the norm there too. Everything and everyone seemed productive...but lifeless and bland. No smiling or interaction...pure focus. THIS was now considered "life". In that very moment, I had a moment of clarity: The world (individuals and collectively) had suffered losses in the past few years and in many cases, have been too busy or too locked down to find the proper closure for such losses. A perfect example would be the loved ones lost to "covid" whose families were not permitted to render their proper goodbyes. Many examples like this and others...all just trudging along with the pain of multiple losses until it became a part of them...a way of life. No time for hope, understanding or love to take their proper place in a healthy heart and/or mind...no time to really heal. It is to the point where as opposed to dealing with it, they have made deep sorrow a cog for balance. Like one of the four legs of their favorite chair and God forbid anything should disrupt that. It's not that it's preferred...it's just become a part of the make-up without anyone even noticing.
On my dream "tour" I asked out loud "what could I do about this?" The response? "Nothing...that's up to them...". As soon as I heard this answer fading in a distance, I woke up physically swatting what felt like a creeping shadow off my chest. In the dream...it was a creeping sorrow doing its best to crawl onto my heart.
Typing this out now, I realize that this is way bigger than "you", "me" and/or "us". As the bigger picture comes into focus, I see us all futilely trying to treat the symptoms of a much larger disease as it stays hidden behind the treatments themselves. No...I'm NOT giving up. I will lose many in my process to stay alive due to the differences we may encounter but I refuse to lose myself to the idea that everything is sh*t and that the best we could do is watch where we step every second of every day.
There are two mindsets that can place us in states of what some consider "zen". Both are mindsets of acceptance that place one in a state of "f*ck it". One is healthy...one is deceptively unhealthy and as such...dangerous. The healthy "f*ck it" mindset is coupled with a strong self-awareness and accepts the world as it is. Realizing that the only thing we CAN control...is how we choose to respond to it. Retaining our choice to see beauty in the face of ugliness. The unhealthy "f*ck it" mindset that permeated the spaces of my dream did not just simply accept the world as it is but it also relinquished control of any fight against it's internal changes. It created even more ceilings, boxes and safety protocols. Internal "masks", "curfews" and/or "no-go zones" if you like. Like living in an internal apocalypse. That to exist to survive was to live. An exact spiritual parallel to how we were told to survive this so-called pandemic. Yeah that just hit me. Now, I don't know what this will mean to some (if anything at all) but I know what it means to me. My course is set...I'm out...
~moses apollo
No comments:
Post a Comment