Been wanting to write about this for a long time now but other topics have drawn my attention. I guess now is as good a time as any...
Scenario 1: A dear family member of yours is goin through serious mental and /or substance abuse issues. Leans on you for support at first but when you start realizing your "enabling" and pull back, in their narrative you then not only become the enemy...but the very reason for their plight. End result...guilt sets in and you are now vulnerable to manipulation.
Scenario 2: A close family member was at one time subsequently hurt by a decision you made that ended badly. Your reasoning and deductions were natural and pure but the unanticipated happened and they got hurt in the process. Some time after the incident, you two get into an argument and the family member notices that you are now more pliable with them than you used to be. They come to understand that residual guilt has given them the upper hand and use this to their advantage towards control. End result...guilt sets in and you are now vulnerable to manipulation.
Take a look at what these two have in common...guilt. I have seen guilt destroy more lives than I can count and in almost every case...it was completely unjustified as the acts they felt guilty for were things anybody could have done given the same circumstance. In scenario 1 however...that's just a play on ones sense of "goodness". These targets are usually people that believe doing good in every situation is doing "right" and that is NOT always the same thing. Yes, to help is always a good thing but sometimes, it can actually do more harm than good as you can actually be depriving them of a hard lesson they actually need to learn. I can give many examples of this in my own life but scenario 2 is the hardest to get through.
In scenario 2, something happened that can be tied to a decision you made and learning to let that go takes understanding that your humanity (that is shared by every other human on this planet) was involved. It's coming to terms that it's not an excuse to accept this reality (especially if you are contrite) but it is in fact...a reason. It usually happens to folk that believed their formula to judge a thing was so on point they could do no wrong...hand raised. Due to our life lessons on a thing, we come to believe our "intuition" and/or reasoning on said thing is now bulletproof and needs no "vetting" and that my beautiful people...is all too human. After enough of these "errors", we can either shut down and decide our judgment is shot, never to trust it again...or we can fine tune our judgment referencing what we missed by learning to "vet" a thing better.
Yet before anything else, we need to accept something: what happened to you was life in process. That life throws us unanticipated curve balls we cannot always see coming. If after that curve ball is handled properly, you must now let it go and learn from it. Know that it has not defeated you and that whatever residual guilt you feel from it is misplaced. As such...it should NEVER be used against you. Even by those that were hurt in the process of your mistake. Take back your place, power and authority. Trust that your judgment has course corrected and walk the path you know you were meant to walk...as opposed to the path you've convinced yourself is the only path you CAN walk based on a fear that should no longer exist.
To admit this is hard to do but to accept anything less than your true worth demands is way worse. How you allow yourself to be treated and/or seen speaks to what price you place on your own value. If you know your worth...never settle for anything less. Whether intended or not...our pricetags are always on display. Never artificially remove zeros based on an unforeseen error. Be free of it...and live as you were meant to. Shine as you meant to...without fear... I'm out...
“He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived.”
– Chinese proverb.
~moses apollo
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