We never bothered keeping up with their trends
It didn't matter that we weren't on the list
'Cause we were misfits
We were misfits..."
The funeral parlor was as I expected. Family and people I didn't know gathered together to honor my uncle. My uncles had to do a double take because they didn't recognize the scrawny kid they once knew. Endearing, beautiful cousins I had known as a child now adults interacting on Facebook were as easy as breathing. Pictures beside my uncle showed a handsome man in his younger days alongside his brothers. Laughing, having a good ole time and as a wonderful gift to me, it would become apparent that nothing had really changed. Except that one was now missing.
To sit around these men as the funeral ended was a treat for me in itself but to interact as one of them was an even greater gift. To soak in the crazy, unrepentantly raw sense of humor of these seasoned men felt all too familiar. The jokes at each others expense, the talk of women and the honesty was refreshing to say the least in a world where everything needs a prefaced explanation or an apology...these men would offer none. I felt right at home and I savored every minute of it. I understood then why the women that were with them were so enamored by them. These men are men. Unabashedly unapologetic about who they are and why and for those that don't know? That, my friends, will beat out the skinny jean, crocks wearing mother f*ckers any day of the week and twice on Sundays.
The only difference between them and I is that I have learned how not to give a f*ck without having the whole room hate me for it which I might add has happened to me in my younger days. Something I found absolutely hysterical by the way. I can also say that I've made adjustments to my life so I can keep my passions in check where I never have to make the choice between hurting someone I love or lying to continue some ill-advised secret satiation. I know these men have learned their lesson the hard way but you can still hear it in their speech. It's like going to an Andrew Dice Clay concert...it's expected. I completely understand that the difference is not based in honor but it is based in generational sensibilities. In their generation and culture, it was no dishonor that a man should follow his libido wherever it went which is why women would wait for their men to return even after infidelity. Being the generation at the receiving end of the detrimental effects secrets and infidelity can cause, I fervently chose openness and transparency as a code to follow instead. My libido is just as strong if not stronger but I will never hurt someone over it. I make no bones about what I am capable of, even tonight, but I am a man in control because I know the extreme damage I can cause by simply loosening the reins but a little.
Now lest you all think for a second that I am excusing infidelity, read the rest of my blog first and if you still think that, stop reading because you must be stupid. Someone once told me that "the good in me far outweighs the bad by miles" and that is what I am saying here about them. Great men never fall softly...they always fall hard. If I judge them then I judge myself because the only real world difference between the unfaithful and the faithful is that one gives in to the "sin" and the other doesn't but both are tempted just the same. If you ever tell me that you have not been tempted to do wrong then please describe to me how to get to your unicorn enriched lands because I might get hungry and want to eat from the lake of gumdrops in your backyard. Getting back to it...it was a good night.
To see them all together brings me an unspeakable joy because I understand now what I couldn't as a child. They are honorable men of a different time. Loving all the women they came to know. Being there for them as best they could when they knew they were good women. Carrying with them the generational flaw of "the game" and getting caught up in the worst of it. These men are old guard and they have my respect without question. I am glad to be a part of this family. A family of misfits that knows and relishes in that fact. I'm sure my uncle Carlos was laughing right along with us.
Misfit: Fittin everywhere and nowhere...and motherf*ckin proud...
~Moses Apollo
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