Understanding Crazy...

Crazy

adjective  cra·zy \ˈkrā-zē\

Definition:

crazier craziest

1

a :  full of cracks or flaws :  unsound <they were very crazy, wretched cabins — Charles Dickens>

b :  crooked, askew

2

a :  mad, insane <yelling like a crazy man>

b (1) :  impractical <a crazy plan> (2) :  erratic <crazy drivers>

c :  being out of the ordinary :  unusual <a taste for crazy hats>

3

a :  distracted with desire or excitement <a thrill-crazy mob>

b :  absurdly fond :  infatuated <he's crazy about the girl>

c :  passionately preoccupied :  obsessed <crazy about boats>

Above you will find I have pasted the definition of crazy and you know what?  All three describe just about everyone I know...including myself.  Those that I know that cannot be described using the term crazy are either dead or catatonic.  Yet in this age of information, we look for clinical terms to ascribe to this one or that one.  He or she is depressed and/or stressed out which in turn will cause them to unreasonably lash out.  I can tell you all about that as having been on both ends of that particular spectrum and when the lash out has been mine, I've always realized it before it got to places I could never return from.  Whether it be in phrase or deed, I thank God I have been able to see it right away but there are others that cannot.

There are others that see red and will not stop until they either tire or run out of things to say.  Some of those things said or done can be lethal in their delivery.  I know this firsthand coming from the family I was born into.  Yet what I learned is what I want to share.  Knowing myself well, I understand how things can get out of hand.  When all filters cease from the mind and you begin to say or do according to pure impulse.  When it comes to sexually aggressive passion, this is a boon to unspeakable pleasure but when it comes to anger, understand that it is a path to destruction most people can never come back from which is the very reason I had to learn to control my passions.  Not to keep it under submission to inhibit it's strength but to be able to allow it to flow freely when it can only do good.  

Now, I have been on the receiving end of lash outs from people that were closest to me.  Things I never expected to hear thrown at me from lips I held to great esteem that hurt in ways meant to kill.  Then why, you might ask, do I still love them?  Why am I not ten thousand miles from their presence?  It is quite simple.  Their saving grace is that I know them at their deepest...just as I know myself.  You would think this means I "take their shit" huh?  Not in the slightest as I will do my best to mitigate most situations but when you can't?  You walk.  Not to leave them but to be able to cool off yourself and give them the chance to gather themselves towards discussion.  Dealing with someone in this state is like dealing with someone that is under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.  You always do the best you can to sober them up before any more is said or done.  After which, I afford them the opportunity to apologize if one is due.  So where do you draw the line?  If after they have come back to their sanity and found no error in their behavior and/or speech, then you are dealing with something else.  Someone that felt justified in saying and/or doing unacceptable things is someone that will do it again and again until you are inwardly destroyed or outwardly bruised.  Take a long open-ended walk on those and the ones that know how to fake apologies.  You'll know them by their character.

I am no push-over but I am not a friend and/or lover that gives up on people simply because they hurt my feelings saying something I know they never really meant to say.  I show them understanding enough to bear whatever is said or done.  So if you want to see if they're worth sticking around for,  there is one act I look for above all others...humility.  They have to say what they did wrong for it to be considered "a saving grace".  It says they want to change.  It says they despise this part of themselves.  It says that when they do lash out...it isn't really them.  It is this "saving grace" that affords them patience and grace from me.  A patience and grace I wish would return my way but sad to say, hardly ever is, which is why I have to take special care of my own lash-outs.

Why talk about this now?  I can only say that I these past few days have taken me to both spectrums on the extreme and I have survived them both coming through with a deeper understanding that no matter how even-keeled a person may be, you never truly know how deep their stress levels can go and/or take them.  Keep your understanding eyes and ears open.  You never know what the person you knew for years might be going through until a lash-outs occurs in the extreme.  Be there for them if you can and let your love guide your patience and understanding while keeping your mind on alert for bullshit.

So if you are wondering if I tolerate certain things, please be advised.  It isn't tolerance.  I just understand "crazy"...

~Moses