"I want more from you than skin to skin..."
A few hours ago on Facebook, I was very happy to witness someone I love get the accolades she deserves for being the mother I know her to be. She is beautiful and can easily be described as "hot" but the greatest thing about her was and always will be...her soul. That my friends, is where the instinctive power of parenting comes from. Being a good parent doesn't celebrate "womanhood" as society has placed at the forefront of importance physical attraction and appeal above that which matters most. So accolades for being a good parent are rare when they should in fact be common. I was glad to see it in the measures it was given as she is truly deserving.
Folks, being a parent is not simply a job as much as it is a labor of love. People that have never had a child of their own to raise have never truly known what it means to place oneself and their partner lower in priority by the simple existence of lives they deem to raise. Lives that will carry on their own existence. I knew the very second I held my sons that I was no longer the center of my wife's universe nor was she mine. It was these two lives that now held our strict attention when it came to all we did. We were no longer just man or woman...we were father and mother. As such we became what they needed us to become. The examples they would soon adhere to later in life and with that came an added responsibility to be "responsible". To say what we mean and mean what we say that they may always rest in the consistency of our word. Children made us better because we had to be better for them. We became role models because we had to be examples for them. We became even more honorable because we had to show them the importance of honor.
Now, here is where this gets tricky. With all this being done for them, we became even more desirable. Oh not just attractive, but with honor and character too? Yes...therein lay the catch-22. Most couples in a marriage see it fine to be great mothers and fathers but wind up neglecting a part that still exists...the woman and the man. Now I have written extensively on this blog about my studies as a husband to become a better man for my wife in every way possible lest any other man should try to set foot in an area I had left unattended. Learning how to listen, how to feel as she would and how to love in accordance with her inner and outer motions. All things that if gone neglected, can end a union in ways they can never recover from. So, I learned until these became second nature to me and us. I understood the first and foremost priority of the parent while attending to the woman before me. Doing this gave us great years as a married couple and allowed us to evolve after our amicable divorce.
Now we are both single and in my wanderings as a single man, I can tell you that when men and boys speak of a long-term woman, they will always be pulled towards the single mother. Why? Remember what I stated earlier about parents being better for their children? This is what stands out the most...character. Yet when they do decide to venture into this territory, they either go in with the single man mindset or they go in with the dutiful dad mindset. Two extremes that will either leave the woman wanting...or the mother unimpressed. I've known a few single mothers and they have sadly come back with the same stories. Yet very few truly understand "why".
Oh my beautiful Queens, your children have forced a selfless evolution upon you that even as you entreat a possible suitor, you are thinking "how will this one fit with my child?". You think about babysitters, if your children ate or if they got to bed at a reasonable time while you are on your "date". While your suitors task is simple, it must be understood. All he has to do is give you time to ease your parental mind before he can attend to the woman in you. Yet if he doesn't "get it", he will feel second to your parental role and instead of knowing this adds greatness to your character, he will only view this as "baggage" and you will be disappointed at every turn. You, my beautiful Queens must take your time to truly get to know who these suitors are before a commitment is made because what will inadvertently happen is that you will become disillusioned by your judgement or worse...by love. As parents, we are wired differently. When my children were young, I saw with six eyes instead of two. Now that they are men, it's difficult to see with the two I have left as I still look for more than the selfish are prone to consider. If you were ever a parent, there is no escaping your evolved sensibilities. Don't hate them because few share the same but glory in your advancement as an evolved human being.
So don't you ever allow yourself to become disillusioned. Don't think that you are an island no one wants to live on. Just know that many will come wanting to visit and all you can do is meet them on land for testing to see whether or not they are worth the transport onto your island. You are not the problem, neither is the fact that you have children you are actively raising. The problem my Queens is in finding a suitable King that meets your level and sadly, these are in short supply.
I stopped looking for Queens a long time ago but never gave up on the truth of love and as I had suspected...one fell into my life. Timing and circumstance never allowed it's fruition but what kept me believing, what renewed my zest...was that she existed...and still does. I'm out
~Moses
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