Today was an interesting day for my emotional state but like all other days, I most often tend to land in a place of clarity before I lay my head on my overly flattened fucked up pillow. I just realized how strong my trained instincts have become. Where most people would probably be angry, upset or disappointed by a thing, I find myself truly hoping for the best for someone I know I will always love. It is always a surreal thing to feel because you witness how others react to such things and you might actually be waiting to react the same...but it doesn't happen. Some might interpret that the wrong way but I can assure you that I am genuinely thankful this person found someone. It's just something else is bugging me about it. On the outset everything looks "OK" but looking ahead as I do, I see glimpses of something that might be a problem for this person as more comes to light about character, moods...mental states etc. A problem that rainbow colored glasses won't allow anyone to see when everything is new. I hope I'm wrong but if I'm not, I just pray it doesn't sour this person's ability to love. It's just not my place to say and besides that, if I were to say anything, I'd be accused of intent to sabotage so this one...I must keep to myself.
Yet at the closing of the day, all this fell into the category of non-importance. We found out another family member of my ex could be on the brink of death and since losing someone last week was a bit jarring to say the least, this could not come at a worse time. Mortality always puts things into perspective folks and if anything is truer now of me it's this:
"Que sera...sera"...What will be...will be...
I am in a place of universal acceptance to those things I cannot control nor seek to control. I brace for impact to hits that I know are coming and loosen up to float when I see rivers too big for me to hold back...I'm out folks
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