I received a tentative date via text today pertaining to when things can actually begin changing. It's no longer just talk. As I walked and talked with my ex I revealed to her a troubling reality that has been gnawing at the back of my neck about going forward. One that I've just put off for quite some time as just something silly. As I spoke, I understood a stark reality...
I noted how things have changed. How humanity has regressed into his primal state. How they have cross-pollinated true ethereal passion with a primally based uncontrolled whim. If he looks at you wrong...hurt him. If you want her...take her. If you want it...take it No one should stop you because you are worth having whatever you desire...bullshit pseudo-psychology run amuk. That's not passion...that's selfish greed. One that stems from primal instincts. One that discards thought, conscience, self-lessness and civility. All things we were taught to outgrow are resurfacing as some form of an awakening when only the opposite is true. History is being rewritten to fit a politically correct agenda and no one is saying a thing about it. Many children today get through High School without even knowing how to read while social media creates a acronym based/pictographic language of it's own...another regression. I look at this world regressing and I see everyone around me regressing along with it. People that I've known for years have shown a blood lust over manufactured events in the media. One in particular tore at my gut as I could see how he was struggling with it and no matter how much reason I threw his way, he just would not budge. The scariest part? He has always seen things almost as clearly as I do. The power of the wave is an overtaking force that will drown anyone that is not rooted deep enough to stand. How does this effect me? I have said it before but the starkness of this truth has never hit me as hard. There is this strong feeling in me that I will eventually remain alone.
I am one that will not change and I will not budge. My friends will join waves I cannot support and my lovers will see I cannot be ruled. As I spoke, I recollected that there may be a couple of folks waitin on me to change for them and since I have never heard how they will change for me, they can keep on waitin....even though they have waited years. Something, I must add, I never tell anyone to do. As though I'm supposed to leave my world and enter theirs as an add-on to their existence. This is the very example that lets me know that I will eventually remain alone. I see men and women spoutin off lists of what they want in a mate but I never see the list that tells the person they are looking for what they are willing to invest or change for the "qualified soul". As though they are seeking an administrative assistant to meet all their needs and wants in exchange for food, sex and housing. As for myself, I require no change as I have no list. That is NOT my way to love and it becomes clear very quickly as I am one to show extreme patience through understanding but I will never put up with blatant disrespect or feeling like there's a chain around my neck. I believe in retaining ones self-actualized identity and way of life that in time, conjoins with another. Becoming a symbiotic relationship based on love that may involve change in certain areas and even sacrifice at times in other areas if the union is found worthy of it. All things involving self-lessness. All things involving true love. All things incidentally...anathema to the primal state we are in today. So yeah, as things get worse, eventually...I will be alone. Lovers may want to cage me and friends may want me on their "side". I will unapologetically tell them all to fuck off. Sounds fuckin bleak right? Yeah, I thought so too. Truth is, the future won't look good for anybody as I see things happening but that's a discussion for another day...
So what do I do about it now? I will sulk and moan and cry and wear sackcloth all fuckin day. Nope. I see the future but I live in the moment and I will live as though this thing will never happen. To dwell on such a thing will only drag my soul across time and I will be missing out on too many good things. Some pretty, some creative and some lucrative. Nah, I ain't about to let that happen. So for now, I will do what I must for me and mine. I will live and love in the fullest way possible and I won't worry about what comes next. I write this eventuality as a reminder. As most of these musings have served me, this one will serve me as well. I never quiet distress...I stare at it until I understand it. When I understand it, I can categorize it and confine it to places within my mind where they can no longer cause me distress but serve as a neon sign when the roads go dark. So back to it then...I'm out
~Moses Apollo Apolinaris
I noted how things have changed. How humanity has regressed into his primal state. How they have cross-pollinated true ethereal passion with a primally based uncontrolled whim. If he looks at you wrong...hurt him. If you want her...take her. If you want it...take it No one should stop you because you are worth having whatever you desire...bullshit pseudo-psychology run amuk. That's not passion...that's selfish greed. One that stems from primal instincts. One that discards thought, conscience, self-lessness and civility. All things we were taught to outgrow are resurfacing as some form of an awakening when only the opposite is true. History is being rewritten to fit a politically correct agenda and no one is saying a thing about it. Many children today get through High School without even knowing how to read while social media creates a acronym based/pictographic language of it's own...another regression. I look at this world regressing and I see everyone around me regressing along with it. People that I've known for years have shown a blood lust over manufactured events in the media. One in particular tore at my gut as I could see how he was struggling with it and no matter how much reason I threw his way, he just would not budge. The scariest part? He has always seen things almost as clearly as I do. The power of the wave is an overtaking force that will drown anyone that is not rooted deep enough to stand. How does this effect me? I have said it before but the starkness of this truth has never hit me as hard. There is this strong feeling in me that I will eventually remain alone.
I am one that will not change and I will not budge. My friends will join waves I cannot support and my lovers will see I cannot be ruled. As I spoke, I recollected that there may be a couple of folks waitin on me to change for them and since I have never heard how they will change for me, they can keep on waitin....even though they have waited years. Something, I must add, I never tell anyone to do. As though I'm supposed to leave my world and enter theirs as an add-on to their existence. This is the very example that lets me know that I will eventually remain alone. I see men and women spoutin off lists of what they want in a mate but I never see the list that tells the person they are looking for what they are willing to invest or change for the "qualified soul". As though they are seeking an administrative assistant to meet all their needs and wants in exchange for food, sex and housing. As for myself, I require no change as I have no list. That is NOT my way to love and it becomes clear very quickly as I am one to show extreme patience through understanding but I will never put up with blatant disrespect or feeling like there's a chain around my neck. I believe in retaining ones self-actualized identity and way of life that in time, conjoins with another. Becoming a symbiotic relationship based on love that may involve change in certain areas and even sacrifice at times in other areas if the union is found worthy of it. All things involving self-lessness. All things involving true love. All things incidentally...anathema to the primal state we are in today. So yeah, as things get worse, eventually...I will be alone. Lovers may want to cage me and friends may want me on their "side". I will unapologetically tell them all to fuck off. Sounds fuckin bleak right? Yeah, I thought so too. Truth is, the future won't look good for anybody as I see things happening but that's a discussion for another day...
So what do I do about it now? I will sulk and moan and cry and wear sackcloth all fuckin day. Nope. I see the future but I live in the moment and I will live as though this thing will never happen. To dwell on such a thing will only drag my soul across time and I will be missing out on too many good things. Some pretty, some creative and some lucrative. Nah, I ain't about to let that happen. So for now, I will do what I must for me and mine. I will live and love in the fullest way possible and I won't worry about what comes next. I write this eventuality as a reminder. As most of these musings have served me, this one will serve me as well. I never quiet distress...I stare at it until I understand it. When I understand it, I can categorize it and confine it to places within my mind where they can no longer cause me distress but serve as a neon sign when the roads go dark. So back to it then...I'm out
~Moses Apollo Apolinaris
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