Crumbs...

"Honesty, is such a lonely word..."

I was talking to my brother today about a friend of mine that has known this particular woman for years.  She has professed her undying love to him with all the trimmings.  She has kept in constant communication with him and nothing in her communications has changed which should lead him to believe that her love has indeed outlasted all distance and time.  He should be elated at the prospect of such an amazingly beautiful woman wanting him and just waiting for the day that they can touch each other with more than just articulation.  Except for one tiny thing...she's been playing a game with him and he has allowed it.  Yes, I did advise him.  So what game would he possibly allow?

She knows all he is as he has held nothing back so she knows what is at stake if he were to render a goodbye.  So instead of telling him the seriousness of her new relationship...she has decided to downplay the gritty details.  Skirting over the part that she is in love with this new man.  Downplaying the detail that she's moved in with him since more than a year ago.  Not letting him know that all she speaks to him in affectionate tones.  The same tones shared with my friend down to the terms used.  You see, he knew it when it happened and he took my advice to say nothing.  He wanted to see how far she would go and low and behold...she went damn far.  You see I was in a position to advise him because I know this game very well.  This same thing has happened to me with women I have known for years as well and it's always the same.  Some play it so they can appease their ego and others inadvertently play it because they are genuinely confused over the idea that they can love more than one person.  They become paralyzed in the decision making process because they know they will lose something if one is made.  In either case, I personally let it go because there is no harm done to me as I am fully aware of my position and I will not be the one to burst a bubble that is needed at times for them to come to an important life conclusion all their own.  The game plays like this: I'm held in back-up mode if things should not work out with this one or that one.  Of course because I'm the back-up kind of man right?  Wrong...

Now ask me if I care.  I only care that she is not being honest with me but I do not fault her for her decision.  To look for a soulmate is not an easy thing in this day and age of superficiality.  It has become akin to weeding out job prospects because you really never know what you're getting until it's too late.  In my friends position, I would have stuck around even if she would have told me the truth but for some reason I guess it's easier to keep someone "on the hook" then it is to be upfront and use the truth.  After all these years she still doesn't get that he does not belong on anyone's list.  He is not a piece of a whole man.  He considers himself the whole.  If she doesn't get it, ain't nothin he could do about it.  I can say that he stands apart from most, if not all her suitors and to say that my friends' particular woman could have any man she wants is an understatement if I ever made one.  I would be blessed that she found someone to care for her but with all that they have shared in honesty, wouldn't that be something he should know without having to stumble onto it?

I have always said "love the way you expect to be loved" and that includes staying open and honest.  I will never demand it or force it.  I will patiently wait for it to come and given time and measure, I will decide when enough is enough.  Even with all this, I still advised him not to blow the lid on all he know because frankly I personally get a kick out of folks that think they are playing me and most importantly...he knows her soul.  He knows that the reason for her omission is not born of malice but of fear that he will vanish from her life and in the strangest of ways, I view that as a compliment.  What she is unaware of is that he has accepted that they will be nothing more than what they are as he will never cross that line unto dishonor and from what he knows of her...neither will she.

As for me?  I know who and what I am.  As such, not much troubles me for long.  I just don't like hints or having to follow crumbs when I've proven that none of that is necessary.  I will understand the truth.  It's the run-arounds that perplex me.  Now you might be saying "won't this post blow your friends spot?"  Nope.  You know why?  Aside from the fact that I got his permission, to confront him on this post is to confront him with the truth and that is untenable for her at this time.  Besides, she don't read these anyway.  So why post?  First, as a cathartic release for me and secondly: I need you all to be aware that a seemingly hurtful truth carries with it a level of respect that serves a saving grace for the future whereas a drawn-out lie can bring an end to a thing that may still yet have legs for a future.  Just be honest folks...it's ok.  They might be mad but in the long run they will come to respect that you were upfront with them.  I'm just so blessed that most of my encounters lately have been with real people that keep things upfront.  They are pretty to me ;-)  I'm out loves...till next time.

~Moses