"...filling it song..."
Yes, things get overwhelming. Yes, I get headaches solving puzzles in my head. Yes, I see too much sometimes and yes...my body is overdoing it. Yes, yes and yes...
Does this mean I get away to feel sorry for myself or change my mind on some things? That is a huge no. I will call it a funk, feeling off or whatever you can understand in 5 seconds or less but there is way more to it than most know. People need to understand that when they feel this way, it is just their being holistically telling them to take a breather. The same way your body lets you know when you're pushing it, so does the heart and the mind. Yet what do we do now? We go to doctors to give us shit. We have a drink to numb the pain, quiet the voices and remove the signs of direction that require decisive action. Just so we can continue on in the muddled mess and call ourselves "strong". What good is strength if you cannot regulate your power or wield it properly? It's like running into battle with blind rage. Yeah, you'll take quite a few people out...including yourself.
I take my time to re-organize my mind. To re-prioritize my thoughts properly and bring my heart into the place it should be for it's own success. To feel, see and hear sharply. To never allow a jump to conclusions. To reason through my emotions until my mind and body can facilitate my hearts desire. It is in these times when you can see it all because all the speakers to your stereo have been blown out from being played too loud. Now, you are ready to process everything. It is in this place where you find reason to show grace. Where you are able to see another's vantage point. Where you are able to solidify love by reconciling your heart with your mind. Where you get to know them at heart from all that's been said, felt and done. If they only knew how much you speak to them or have them in mind, they would truly get tired of you but that is a discussion for another time. Yet most of all, this time of silence...is where I find new reasons to keep writing.
No one will ever truly know how much is spent when one spills out his soul in creative ways. I could write two pieces a day and each will take a part of me to create. It's not just rhymes and it's not just a story. Real art is a piece of one's soul. Sometimes it flows easy but most times, it takes quite a bit of soul regurgitation to formulate the outer and inner messages behind each one. I could receive the most expensive gifts in the world but none ever equals the vastness of value that comes from deep inside a more valuable world than this one...the heart. I have been left speechless by some writings and even a simple song sung from someone dear. You really just don't know what to say because I know what it takes to do that. So it is in these moments of silence where I, holistically find my center while at the same time...become more difficult to understand.
I have spoken many times about my dualistic nature. Moses and Apollo. Moses being the man of duty that has an earthly history and character that co-incides with his experience. Apollo being the man of eros, incessant passion, craving and artistic creativity. Yet both co-existing in a house that can more than adequately fulfill the tasks both require at any given moment. Both finding place in each other. Sometimes stepping on each other's toes but both sharing in quality. Some might think this crazy or some kind of displacement. Oh, how narrow is their mind. No, it is my way of finding room and purpose for all that is good in me without contradiction. Where Moses will make love, Apollo will turn it into something more. Moses has a keen sense of morality, Apollo keeps a code...they meet in the middle when it's called for. Is that clear enough? Good but it just makes me a hard man to "learn". I never have a "one size fits all" for the upper layers of humanity and because of this, what you thought will get a man going might make me yawn. Yet once I am "learned", most come to find me very easy to please. Most aren't willing to take the time to learn that dichotomy but you know what ? I really don't give a shit anymore...
I will do as I do irrespective of who understands it. In time, those that care "get it" and those that don't? I can't do nothin for em.
So my people, don't be fooled into believing that your "downed" feeling is simply a depressive state. Look inside and see with new eyes that all you really need is a recharge. Take your time to do things right as the best things in life are never rushed. Culmination points are great but you know what's even better? The journey there...I'm out
~Moses
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