There is a line in the Matrix:
"You do not truly know someone...until you fight them..."
A truism most will miss if you allow your mind to go blank in the fight itself. All you have to do is hit the record button in your mind. Play back the video and watch the person doing most of the shouting reveal themselves with every syllable.
I could talk about several tactics employed but the one that amuses me the most these days is the "degree fighter". Especially the tactic employed by the pseudo-science types. One in particular that really made me laugh was a Global Warming sycophant. The argument had nothing to do with the topic but he managed to segway into it to flex his 21 inch chest. These are folks that are afforded the blessing of going to college even though the people they deal with mainly do not. These types are used to winning by default because even when they are talking gibberish, their opponent gets intimated by their supposed intellect. I chuckle under my breath when this tactic is employed on me because I see the condescension that oozes with every textbook laced word. It is one of the most disrespectful things anyone can try to do to someone like me. I remember when I dealt with professors and they tried to do that shit. They couldn't handle that I remained unimpressed. They were used to their opponents just saying "wow, you are so right!!" but here was one that understood what they were saying and not just that...knew what they were trying to do. Instead of speaking plain, they seek the upper hand. Speaking to you as if you were a client or a stupid unworthy peasant to even question them. That is not the mark of someone seeking resolution, it is the mark of someone seeking to win at all costs no matter what the outcome. What does this reveal about them? It reveals an insecurity on the topic being discussed or their own inability to handle their opponents' logic. If you cannot win on the merits of your argument...say anything intellectual to intimidate them into submission. Oh but I can hear it now "you just can't handle strength..." I can handle strength when it's real strength just fine. That ain't nothin but a tantrum induced, schoolbook throwin tact unworthy of my energy. Seeing as much as I have and doing as much as I've done, there are just some things I have no problem walking away from and unmerited hubris is one of them. I've always said it...intelligence does not make you conscientious nor does it create a better character. Only accepting that you know absolutely nothing does this because that is the true mark of humility and humility affords one room to grow in earnest.
If I'm gonna argue or fight, it has to be something that seriously needs resolution because time and energy is precious to me. I will take my time and wait for the right moment lest I should say the wrong thing but what do you do when even after you've taken these steps towards resolution, you are still met with "tactic" along side a defensive unbending attitude? You know at that point you are not going to get your resolution and what could have been handled as a discussion clearing the air, now becomes a deal-breaker because your tolerance levels won't accept anyone talking to you like that. How do you come back from seeing all that? Oh it's quite simple...back off and gather some understanding.
I know a woman set in her ways. A woman that struggled all her life to be seen and heard as something more than a conquest. As something more than a woman looking to be kept by a man. A woman that had many courting her because she was in fact, this strong. Beautiful on the outside and a force to be reckoned with on the inside. I am speaking of one of my greatest heroes...my mother. To argue with her you needed ear plugs and a stopwatch as she was loud and unrelenting. Quick to become forceful since she always knew she was right. Straightforward and nasty almost every time without pity at offense. Yet you will notice that as soon as the argument was over, her tone would return to normal and she becomes the sweet person you came to love. You would be offended easy if you did not know how she became this way but that takes an understanding heart. No one could ever understand how I was the only one that could speak to her and when needed, set her straight, but for me it was easy. When someone's back is up against the wall, their primal instincts take over to the point where they can and will say whatever comes to mind for defense. Yet for most, defense must become victory and for some that means annihilation. I understood that my mother's way to win was to humiliate her opponents. To make them feel stupid or at times, wrong. You see she felt this was necessary because there were many times she needed to be strong in the face of all those that would try to belittle her because she was a woman. She became disgusted by weakness. She saw it as a useless chain around someones neck they need not carry. If they chose to play the victim, she would laugh at them, tell them to take off their soiled diapers and get up. So you could imagine that her method of encouragement was that of a drill sergeant. A method that worked on the hard but alienated the soft. If you saw her argue and judged her by that alone, you would think her malicious but she is the type to empty her fridge to make sure you had something to eat. An argument and/or fight can tell you much about a person's life but not so much about a person's character. Character is a constant whereas what you see in combat is where their level of mastery is when it comes to their instinctive nature which is only at play in a fight or flight scenario. You can see how badly they have been hurt and whether or not they have come to find their center in a storm. Are they truly as in control as they say or are the words they speak of themselves at best an affirmation waiting to take hold. I have known many great people with bad tempers but the ones that display this as a constant are the ones that can be counted as those of weak character.
Now, I could choose to take everything my mother is saying at face value or I could do my best to understand that this is the way she needed to speak most of her life. Doing the latter removes her power as all her insults brush off my shoulders. I take none to heart and because I know her soul, I know she never meant those things even though an apology is never forthcoming. Her bullets do not affect me in the slightest. I stay on topic and on point. The louder she gets the calmer I get and when we're done, we continue as though that fight was just another friendly discussion. That my friends, is a by-product of understanding and why we are so close. My ex and I through understanding were able to literally have at least one blow-out a year because we started to consider not our words, our tone or our anger but our intent instead. Yes these are important but never as important as resolution. So in the middle of all things heated we learned how to stop and shake off the stupor that was driving us towards destruction. In a split second of clarity, we would sit down and speak our peace. In the end, we would apologize for all the foolishness said and all we chose to remember was the resolution we came to. This has been my way ever since. Understanding folks...it will always win in the end and if it wins in an argument, it means both saw resolution as more important than claiming pride from a win...I'm out
~Moses Apollo
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