Words typed from beautifully tender tips on a screen got me thinkin on a truism...
A long time ago a woman I loved told me that she had shared one of my pieces with a friend of hers that just so happened to be an artist and what she told me she said moved me to near tears. I nervously chuckled instead...
"Oh my dear, I feel so very sorry for you. You are in love with an artist..." She was serious...
You see I knew what she meant. In order to be able to create true art one must become hollow to all facades. You have to be willing to wear your insides out and put them on display for all to see. The trick is...you have to see them first. Everything from the good to the bad. The light and the dark as well. Being this way produces mood swings and melancholy that most will not be able to relate to but doing this allows you the roadmap for a deeper understanding of "self" and by extension...everyone else. You see your darkness for what it is, listen to its music, dance to its tune and find that sweet spot of temperance that will transform it from something ugly...into something beautiful. Something under your command for timely need. The light in you finds purpose beyond shine. Real world purpose that would serve more than just your ego and in this lifelong painstaking confusing process, you become something no one has ever seen in reality...until you. They wonder how you got there. They mimic all you do. Not understanding that this is the work of a soul carving out a voice that requires sincerity and the willingness to become ugly for the sake of finding the truth in beauty.
This woman was correct in what she said as we would not last. There is no question that my past love played her part in our demise but my ways were not easy to live with. To see all I see, express as I do and emote as I choose is not an easy thing to endure unless I am fully understood. Yet what I was gifted outweigh the downsides by miles. Because I am able to hear the blood flow through my veins, I can feel the Grace of God in the wind. Because I can see behind my irises and see the artistic quality of the nerves that allow me to interpret shape and sound, I can find the artistry in a quiet room whose only sound is the whispered creak of a settling home. Where some read between the lines, I can read between the letters...finding purpose in the process. I see this in a few and am enamored by their likeness. I see all they've gone through and am impressed by their present day ability to not just function...but to thrive with hope, love, purpose and passion. If they've gleaned nothing from their life, their potential will forever dither in hidden places they are afraid to go. The artist endures the ugly to eventually come to see it evolve into something imperfectly perfect...and beautiful. They are easy to love but hard to live with. To hear "some of you is so much better than none of you but all of you? That's not so easy" Yeah...I "get" that...
So then what is MY confession?
For all that is truly beautiful in me today began as something I thought ugly, useless or unworthy of anyone's time or heart. Thank God for evolution...
~Moses
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