Scars...

I write tonight about a subject that has had me in a state of limbo...scars.  There are wounds of our past that heal just fine but there are some that leave behind a little bit of an ugly reminder of what we went through.  That scar is there for life and it becomes something that eventually defines you.  It enables the "tweaking" of character to turn you into more or less of what you were before the trauma...before the "event".

For my part, I fall heavy for the scarred.  The internally deformed whether by choice or chance...I fall hard.  I relate and we speak the same language.  The language of experience that toughens skin.  They let me know I have a partner...an equal.  Why?  because I carry many myself...old ones and new ones I see forming with every passing day.  There is one I see forming that makes me too ugly to stay with.  It is grotesque and shows weakness.  It is the idea that I will never go as far with you as you'd like.  I will never be "boyfriend", "husband" or anything close.  I will just be Moe.  Someone you can share an experience with if the heart is where it should be.  To come like a passing breeze that smells like springtime...and then it's gone.  This is my new scar.

Am I looking to get it "fixed" so I can have a normal relationship?  No, not me.  I've come to accept the limitations of emotional surgery...I will find a way to live with this without the lonliness and empty that usually comes with it.

I'm workin on it...