Hmmm...

Well, I was thinking about what it would be like to chronicle the goings on in the mind of a love sick fool.  I think now, looking back, I can answer that...

The first time you find out she not only lied to you, but took you for a fool by storytelling to make the lie seem plausible...you think to yourself, "Well, it's early...and we really don't know each other that well yet so...Ok"  The second time you find out she's hiding messages, that if sent by you to someone of the opposite sex, you know you'd be up sh*ts creek.  You confront her and she profusely apologizes telling you nothing happened, that it was just words.  You back off because she seems sincere..."Ok"  The third time you find out that while she's away, she is becoming sweet on a particular "co-worker".  Opportunistically pursuing an "I couldn't help myself" moment.  Damn, even pushing him in that direction and lying to you about certain moments she knows would prove your theory right.  You say that's it, she writes some emails about changing her habits because she doesn't want to lose you and you...still seeing red, say..."Ok"  You think the bullsh*t is over and all the while your love grows but here yet again, we have the same co-worker test creep up and instead of easily dismissing it...she fails by trying to create yet another moment.  She now tells you she has a problem.  She now relates it to childhood issues.  She needs work...she needs help.  How can you abandon such a broken creature?  You love her too damn much!!!  So you say..."Ok" 

A couple of months of peace roll by and she has yet another job to go to.  You find out about yet another co-worker.  You find out that she lied to you about communicating with him past working hours and she says "I lied because I knew you would be mad".  At this point...you are finished.  Your faith in her is now exhausted.  You are tired and weary from these episodes....your heart has all but given up.  You have done everything to prove your love.  You take journeys no one else would take because your love tells you that she is worth it.  You wear it on your sleeve.  You make sacrifices that you still pay for today and you see very little in return.  You are now finished and you end it...yet the fumes of your love still linger and you fight all manner of sense to believe that all you held on for should not end this way.  And a few hours later you say..."Ok"  You look at all your faults and begin to equivocate.  You make excuses for everything done to you.  You think back at the times you spoke to her like a child and feel bad even though she lied like a two year old with excuses that included the phrase..."I didn't know".  On fumes of love you now say..."Ok"

Then come the revelations.  Some things so big that they truly put your love and understanding to the test.  One by one she tells you how she lied about this or that and you want to crawl under a rock and hide but you can't because you have invested into this heart...your soul.  You cannot see it go to waste.  God, your instincts, your confidantes, your friends...ALL tell you that if you want to stay with her, it will be work.  You manage to squeak out "She's worth it" but now the only thing you feel is worth anything...is the love you have for her.  That it is something you can't give up on.  You now understand that the person you have decided to love is flawed beyond what you wanted to accept and what's worse...is that you are the only one that sees it.  Why? because you were privy to inside information you didn't care to see.  Your friends showed you what they saw...and they saw it all.  There was nothing she could get away with and if she could, she would have played you like a fiddle.  Not to say that you were perfect, but your flaws are things not having to do with trust...unless manufactured lol.  Truth is, you were more man than she expected.  You expected a woman of honor deserving of honor...something you didn't get.  A truth that in the end was something you could never make excuses for.

You see the fool sees all this and chooses to focus on all that happened in between.  He chooses to say that the moments holding her and loving on her outweighed it all until he comes to the rude awakening that although those moments meant everything to him...they meant absolutely nothing to her.  That is when the fantasy becomes a nightmare.  That is when all you have left is the sh*t to remember.  Why should it mean anything to you, if it meant sh*t to her.  A one sided event is not an event but an abirition.  It is in fact...a perspective.  The fool thinks to hold fast to such perspective but when faced with the truth decides to end all foolishness and conjoin his mindset with hers..."it didn't mean sh*t".  The fool is now wise...almost ready to become a fool yet again for someone that will appreciate such folly...someone worth it ;-)  And all the people said...hmmm...

For you fools out there...ask yourself "what is MY limit?"...