When your body says "sleep" but your mind says "piss off". 4:19 AM and I'm wide awake. Why? Well it's a bit of a complicated mess. All these questions running through my mind. Questions that are answered by the reading of each new line in my new chapter. You see the last chapter ended on a cliff-hanger. A cliff-hanger that had me wondering if one of the main characters of this book would ever turn around or keep walking. With lines like "You ain't never getting rid of me" and "When I think of life without you, I cant breathe"...the devotion was clear...or was it? You read about how much passion and pain it took to get as far as they did. How much they loved each other and all they were willing to pay to make that union happen. So will she turn or will she walk away in pain with the resolve and hope that all this had to mean something. There has to be something to this right? Keep reading...
The last line in my chapter read "and she walked away". A couple of weeks ago I decided to keep reading and move past that chapter. I found some eye-opening shit to say the least. You see there is a reason the chapter ends the way it did and the only way to find out why is to move on to the next one. It is the next chapter that allows you to see more of the story. It is the next chapter that gives you a better sense of the bigger picture. It is the next chapter that tells you why she had to leave and if she will ever be in the position to turn around again. It is THAT chapter that gives clarity to the last one and sometimes what you find is disappointing...other times, you can actually find hope. People will tell you its time to "close the book" on this or that. A phrase I've found to be in error. Why? Because life is not a journey of several books; life is a journey of many chapters. Chapters that stay written as reference for us to turn back to anytime we need reminders. Some people have never moved past the first few chapters in their book because they keep trying to relive them over and over again...trying to get them right or becoming so accustomed to the storyline it becomes all they know...even when they know they lose in the end. Labeling every "try" something different while going through the same exact motions every time. They wonder why the chapter ends the same. This is why people start looking for replacements or place mats. They look to replace the substantive with the frivolous and fail every time. When they cant, they just revert without even seeing it. How many "tries" does it take to finally come to the conclusion that what is being done isn't working? One should be enough but for some...it never ends. They grow old harboring resentment and heartache. Blaming circumstance, others and even God for their inability to force a better route. No, it's time for a change people. The words "I'm trying" are enough to appease some but not me. You don't "try" changing lanes...you just do. Use the words of a "cop-out" and say "well that's you"...bullshit. Will is will and decision is decision...everyone has one to strengthen and one to make. It's called growing up folks and if things don't go the way you want them to...keep pushing till they f**king do!!! Exhaust all measures before you allow one tear to drop because until that's done, you have no right to cry "life sucks".
Now I can tell you what happens in the next chapter but that I will save for another day. I must say though...it was unexpected and sad but at least allowed me to see things for what they are. Allowing me to wrap my head around a better perspective for my own sake looking ahead. A perspective that brought me here...
The last line in my chapter read "and she walked away". A couple of weeks ago I decided to keep reading and move past that chapter. I found some eye-opening shit to say the least. You see there is a reason the chapter ends the way it did and the only way to find out why is to move on to the next one. It is the next chapter that allows you to see more of the story. It is the next chapter that gives you a better sense of the bigger picture. It is the next chapter that tells you why she had to leave and if she will ever be in the position to turn around again. It is THAT chapter that gives clarity to the last one and sometimes what you find is disappointing...other times, you can actually find hope. People will tell you its time to "close the book" on this or that. A phrase I've found to be in error. Why? Because life is not a journey of several books; life is a journey of many chapters. Chapters that stay written as reference for us to turn back to anytime we need reminders. Some people have never moved past the first few chapters in their book because they keep trying to relive them over and over again...trying to get them right or becoming so accustomed to the storyline it becomes all they know...even when they know they lose in the end. Labeling every "try" something different while going through the same exact motions every time. They wonder why the chapter ends the same. This is why people start looking for replacements or place mats. They look to replace the substantive with the frivolous and fail every time. When they cant, they just revert without even seeing it. How many "tries" does it take to finally come to the conclusion that what is being done isn't working? One should be enough but for some...it never ends. They grow old harboring resentment and heartache. Blaming circumstance, others and even God for their inability to force a better route. No, it's time for a change people. The words "I'm trying" are enough to appease some but not me. You don't "try" changing lanes...you just do. Use the words of a "cop-out" and say "well that's you"...bullshit. Will is will and decision is decision...everyone has one to strengthen and one to make. It's called growing up folks and if things don't go the way you want them to...keep pushing till they f**king do!!! Exhaust all measures before you allow one tear to drop because until that's done, you have no right to cry "life sucks".
Now I can tell you what happens in the next chapter but that I will save for another day. I must say though...it was unexpected and sad but at least allowed me to see things for what they are. Allowing me to wrap my head around a better perspective for my own sake looking ahead. A perspective that brought me here...
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