Just had a conversation with a "Red Piller" and if you've followed my blog or seen any of my posts, you will know, I despise their ideas as it pertains to relationships. Believing that women actually want to be treated like sh*t due to the many times they've run roughshod over the good men in their lives is not something I choose to believe myself BUT something he said finally struck a cord. Or rather... it was something I said...
He began to tell me of an experience he had with a woman he showered with understanding. He knew she had been hurt by men in her life and he did not want to be added to that list. He chose not to use her as they did. They'd get close, profess love, bed her and eventually leave. Every time leaving behind another scar that needed to heal and with every occurrence, she'd only grow colder and more distant towards him. Rudeness would eventually follow in their interactions. He had assumed that her rudeness and dismissiveness towards him would end with healing so he said nothing and the thing was, like me, this man was no pushover. He would NEVER allow that behavior with anyone but he loved her enough to stand by and take whatever came. Yet after some time... enough was enough. He figured she was pushing him away... so he just stopped interacting with her altogether.
As he was speaking, it was dawning on me that this was no longer an aberration in their relationship. It seemed that over time, he was the one she felt she could do this to and in my mind, that counts towards character. He had asked me what I would do and I told him: when someone seems bothered having to treat you like a human being or acts like they would rather you didn't exist in their world... believe them and just end any and all contact. In other words, give them what they were too scared to ask for themselves. No need to hate them, no need to speak ill of them... just remove yourself from their sphere in every way, shape and form. That rudeness may have begun as a by-product of pain but it stuck as a constant in their relationship and when something like that exists... how can you call it a relationship of any kind? He told me this story to let me know that unreciprocated love and/or more to the point; unreciprocated decency drove him towards that red pill mindset and having been in situations like that myself... I could understand. I'm just NOT the type to throw out the baby with the bathwater or to classify all women based on what a few have done. This has happened to me with a handful and my deep love for them has driven me to remain understanding to a fault.
Yet now, things have come to a place where I need to start taking my own advice without becoming a "Red Piller" myself. I know my worth and I understand where and how it's been diminished by some. As much as some will hurt, I cannot continue acting as though everything is fine. Hoping that things get better when my gut is telling me that unless there is a drastic change, there is no going back from this and I'm no longer holding my breath. Friends, lovers, relatives and those near and dear to me have at times thought of me like a revolving door that does its' thing with no heart to mention. No feelings to consider and no humanity to acknowledge. As a man, you really don't sweat those things but after awhile, you start to notice where their heart is. You start asking yourself if these folk should gain access to anything having to do with you given its clear they could care less about you. All this dawned on me after I told him my views. It seems I had allowed things to go too far with some and that it was finally time to accept that our interactions have run their course. No bitterness, anger or regrets... just finally giving them what their posture towards me had decided on when the rudeness began.
At this point in my life, I honestly have zero reasons to think its ok for any friend, lover or relative to think they can treat me like wallpaper that sticks to a wall that no longer produces an ounce of consideration. Especially when I'm just doing what I feel an honorable man should do and as time progresses, the reasons will become even LESS than zero. I'm still at the point that I can walk away "cool." Any more of it... and I may wind up despising these people. I will NOT allow that to happen... I love them too much to allow it... even if its just one sided you dig? I will keep to my honor... I will remain as I am... but my posture with folks like this must now change.
Moses said "stay the course", Apollo said "f*ck em"... but both have come to say: "we'll handle it". All of me says: "I'm done". I'm out...
~moses apollo
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