How do you know?
The simple answer? You just do...
You go home after meeting them briefly and you wonder why you can't stop thinkin of them. You chalk it up to lust because you find them not just physically attractive... but sexually compatible in style and movement. You think to yourself... "well, this will pass". After all, you seen that a thousand times before... but the curiosity lingers and the more you hear from them... the more you are intrigued. To make things worse, you start noticing the beauty in the small things they say and do and in one instance, you come across a pic, that for some unknown reason, produced a warmth from heart to throat... A pic that moved you to outwardly declare: "whoa". Not because of how it looked to you... but because of how it made you feel. One of the major moments... you found out there was something more here...
You start getting to know each other unseen and begin to notice an annoyance in the lack of logic there is in missing someone you've spent very little time with... and it tickles you. When you do get together, the awkward feeling you experience says "we've been here numerous times before in the landscape of our minds but never in a manifest world... do we act the same?... is touching you even ok?". You think to yourself "why am I so uncomfortable around them?", only putting that together later. Questions build and linger but you press on knowing what you know... that there has to be something beautiful here... and you're endeavoring to find out by squeezing every inch of that fruit. You just don't really know where to begin with something whose origins began in such deep waters... so time passes. As the dials on the clock turn, so does your resolve...
You do your best to convince yourself it was an infatuation and a dream because at some point, it hurt too much to wait... and you do your best to let it go but every once and awhile... it comes right back again. You start to wonder all over again... "what could be... or could've been" and like a memory that stows in the back of the windmills of your heart... there is no end to it because the truth is... you were right the first time.
What do I do? I simply surrender to the truth of it. I already know what I know and I need no convincing of any other reality as to accept anything else would be to delude myself. If frustration and anger won't do it... conventional logic will do it even less. It is what it is but understand that to accept this truth will not define my actions or lack thereof. It only lets me know that there is someone out there I know I can love (or love already) and I'm ok with that. I walk my path and see where it leads me. I've just learned that when true love has not been violated by egregious human failure... no door is ever truly mine to close. My path may lead me to them again... or towards someone new. In either case... I'd be meeting someone I can love and will love till the day I die. That is not such a bad thing my beautiful people... I'm out...
~moses apollo
No comments:
Post a Comment