My Hookah Pipe Said So



Shisha and Kava Kava...two of my favorite things.  Tonight they have me writing about something I was just gonna let go but me being me, I just can't.

This blog began during the aftermath of my last break-up with someone I've not spoken to in months.  It was a tough one.  I have put it all out here for all to see without the classless specifics.  This was therapeutic for me in that I was able to read and reread of my own anger to the point of exhaustion.  Something I no longer have the time nor energy for.  Now what's left are memories.  Some good, some bad...and a few lessons along the way.  Not the cynical lessons that try to devalue love and surrender because it didn't work this go round but life lessons that help define where we are weak and where we are strong.  I loved her with the heart of a poet but there was only so much I could stand when it came to certain issues and for her part I will say she was getting a man still trying to find his own way alone.  Something that given what I've gone through this past year...she would not have been able to withstand.  I make no excuses for any of it.  Not for her...or myself.  We just didn't work at what we were trying to be.  We saw the worst in each other and ran.  Had nothing to do with zoning, distance or anything else.  If there is love...you make it happen.  We didn't.  Well she decided to email me on New Years eve.  15 minutes to 12 her time.

What she said is not important but I kind of got the feeling that she walked away with another lesson altogether.  She probably thought this to be a nice New Years gesture...I don't know and frankly, I don't care.  She rejected the flowers I sent on her birthday but thought communication better suited for a calender change.  I don't know why people think that everything that happened the prior year is gone with the time change.  I have a list of sh*t still pending from years back I have left unattended.  I don't get it but it is what it is (a phrase I really despise).  

Truth is, the passion I felt was real.  The experiences I had with her were real.  All of it was honest and pure on my part.  That is lasting and binding.  Something not even bitterness can kill.  She was not a mistake.  I will always love that woman.  That will never go away.  Will things ever be the same again?...that's a big no.  I'm not insane enough for such a thing but will I ever be a fool again?  That's a big yes.  I'm sure there are women out there that would appreciate a fools visit from time to time.

People, I know what makes me temporary.  What I don't know is if I'll ever have the time or the means to fix it.  I pray this year helps me in that regard. 

As to my ex, all I can say is..."I wish you love"...