Barnabas...



The king sits in a room alone anesthetized by suffered vision.  With eyes closed he looks up and sees a great man about to die.  A man with the ability to kill because he knew how to heal.  A man with the ability to steal because he knew how to protect that which was most valuable.  A man torn by two worlds that found nobility in each and kept what was most useful to him.  Through the mist of panorama the king now sees the mans death...

His procession is one fit for an ancient king.  A casket of glass, flowers and music interlaced with stringed instruments.  Mourners gather in the hundreds with nothing to say.  Nothing to share.  Whatever memory they had of him...was private.  Why did they mourn?  Why were they there?  What was he to them?  He never knew.  He never accepted his impact so as to keep himself steady.  He was a shadow behind the greats.  A momentary whisper of encouragement in the wind.  A moment to remember...

The king now knows his name...Barnabas...

Missa Defunctorum...

What more can be said that hasn't been said already...silence is my remedy...

Dreams...

This past week has been a week of vivid dreams but this morning I woke up from one of the most vivid dreams Ive had in awhile.  Someone I knew that I had not seen in about a year was here.  Nudging at me to wake up as she sat at the side of my bed.  She had let herself in because she has always had a set of keys.  I woke up a bit shocked that someone was there, rubbed my eyes and said "hello".  It was actually cool to see her again.  Yet I saw her differently.  Like she "belonged" yet at the same time...didn't.  Like she "fit" but only for a season.  It was as though this is the way it was always meant to be.  She was just passin through...until next time.

Time has allowed me to see and accept many things.  The permanence of a few even though they are absent.  Even though there is silence...it makes no difference.  I do hope that wherever she is, she's living up to all the great things I saw in her.  There were many...

Behind The Smoke...

"Behind the smoke, there lies a fine line of purpose and circumstance.  To frustrate, to maim and to impassion.  To make you who you are meant to be...sedated..."

Words of a poet tossed about by Absinthe, thought and his hookah pipe.  Words written in haze with a tinge of lucidity.  With trouble surrounding his essence he no longer feels a thing.  He no longer allows entrance into his "being".  He remains as he is meant to be...a man sedated.  Sedated by the knowledge that all things will fall into place as they must.  Sedated by the knowledge that destiny is destiny as fate is fate.  Knocking on every door without allowing depression to set when they do not open.  He's become even more resigned.

His Absinthe and his hookah pipe have become the knowledge of truth.  The simple truth that peace will only come from the inside out.  The place where perspective manifests itself into reality.  What will be, will be...acceptance...

Lighthouse In The Wild...

"...leave a little light on in the wild..."

Reflections Of An Honest Man...

You know when the smoke clears and you allow gratitude to set in you can be amazed at what you find.  Faces and lives, some that stay and some that have gone.  Moments shared and words spoken that allow you to see the grace of God in it all. Grace, because you know you are not deserving of such gifts.  Gifts that others would envy.  Gifts in the smiles...in the hearts and loving care that others offer.

I count my blessings in this timeless space.  They have names.  A handful of names too valuable to fit in a "little black book".  They are extraordinary, amazing and phenomenal.  They've called me beautiful, sweets, goober and honey...in more than one language.  They've shown me understanding, maturity, sacrifice and hope. They've come over to share wine and a light touch.  Never being afraid to reveal themselves that true intimacy would be expressed...even for just a moment.  I don't care what happens now...they are implanted in my make-up and I find them beautiful.  I always will...

This is who I am...this is who I will always be...