A Funny Thing Happened Today...

I found myself explaining the realities of insecurity to a teenager that had just been left unexpectedly for being "too good to be true".  He was dumbstruck because he couldn't for the life of him figure out what he'd done wrong.  Why did she leave?  What did he do wrong?  Was he was too much for her to believe?  Too much character?  Too much affection?  All that she was looking for was right there and it just couldn't be real.  It's all just one big dream.  So she wakes herself up by saying goodbye and goes back to a world where boys just don't really care.  A world where all men want is one thing...a world that makes more sense to her.

I know that teenage love is fleeting but when the same happens in adulthood, it can be depressing if you don't have answers.  I had to explain to him that some girls just really don't know what they're worth and in the world of adulthood that lack of self-worth is reinforced by the experience of "the asshole".  I can't tell you how many amazing women I have come across that think themselves "less" because the "boys" they've allowed into their lives drove that fallacy home to the point of believability and acceptance.  They belittle their women into submission knowing these women could better them at any time.  The "boys" that do this are beneath their women and they know it.  They do their best to make them feel like they will never find anything better than them by belittling them at every turn.  A real man encourages his women to excel and move past them out of sheer love for their soul.  Real men that are rare these days...

A wise man once shared his experience of a similar loss with me.  He spoke...I just listened;

"...I really tried to show her I was different.  She asked for my help for change and all I saw was what she could become...something that eventually would be too good for me.  Something I was afraid of but something that my love for her would need to see through.  A process doomed to fail by it's disingenuous motive.  Something that should have been for her was really just another attempt to make me happy and that is not true change.  In the end, she didn't believe I was real and when I asked her to leave, it was almost as if she had a set plan for what she considered an eventuality.  She always expected to leave.  All measures were half-hearted on her part because she just couldn't accept that I could love her that much or that my love was that pure.  Hers in fact...was a self-fulfilling prophecy.  It broke my heart..."

The teenager, the adult...whats the difference?  The teenager has years of experience to gain ahead of him.  To either reinforce his strengths and self-worth or reinforce his weaknesses and self-doubt.  The adult has years of experience behind him.  Where he can either pick up on where he is strong reinforcing his self-worth or sulk on where he is weakest reinforcing his self-doubt.  Each one has it's own voice.  One says "you can" the other says "forget it".  Which voice will you listen to when the time comes?  Where do the voices come from?  Figure it out... 

Woman or man, if your partner is everything you've wanted, if he or she is seemingly giving you their best, please reciprocate with the same energy and fervor that you see...it might just be real.  If it turns out to be false, at least you will know for certain that it's failure was not your fault.  Be true, be real...be passionate.

As for you "amazing woman".  If I ever get a chance to meet you again, please believe me when I say "you are amazing"...I actually mean it...