Folks, I remember this song being among the most requested on the radio. Usually it was dedicated to someone special guys wanted to impress but there was an even greater reason to request it. You see you needed this on your mixtape if there was any chance of her describing you as "sweet" to her friends. Yeah... it was a simpler time.
Now I could continue complaining that things aren't the same anymore (and it's true when it comes to universal sentimentality) but the truth is that when I look inside... all this is just as "sweet" to me. I still find the greatest things in "the least of these". Many can quantify the practical well meaning gesture as having value but the one thing about always showing affection by being practical... is that's it's seldom ever sweet. Oh it will be appreciated in the moment... but quickly forgotten without heart.
My loves, you find heart in the hand that's held and in the embrace that genuinely brings you relief. You find it in the security of knowing that the one you love has just made an indent on their side of the bed and you find it when you say "goodnight... I love you"... whether they're awake or not. Heart is everything... its what makes every little thing unique to the one you're doing it for. Tailor-made to last forever my beautiful people. Seek this above all else... stay sweet. I'm out...
As increments begin to settle into my heart, there is but to stand and watch certain pieces of my life play out on a panoramic screen that surrounds me. Past, present and future all play out before me like a biopic whose soundtrack includes sultry epics mixed in with frequencies designed for introspection. Where my only intermission comes at the staring of my feet. Feet that have stood even when they shouldn't have given all I have seen. Attached to a body, soul and spirit that has become numb to its own pain and grief. Parts of steel at whose center beats a heart of flesh fueled by faith, strength and fury. Whose relief is found in the taste of passion and in the incremental forward motion that creeps up unawares from pleasant time to time.
To see it all and have none to comprehend. To feel it all and come just a few stanzas shy of articulation. To eat a full course meal and never get full. To imbibe on the finest wine and not be able to get drunk. To live and love without limits in a world of limits set by men and women hell bent on keeping their limited power. Limiting love, joy, peace and all things that bring us closer to God and each other. Keeping us all busy in a rat race of inconsequence while the consequential slowly dies off in us all. Creating a place where AI will soon become sentient enough to become humanity's guide to emotional and spiritual intelligence. Recycling the debunked as something new and presenting dashes of counterfeited truth sprinkled over scripted lies as secret knowledge. Yet in all this that I see before me... I stand anyway. I love anyway. I care anyway and I believe... anyway.
Why? Because there is always hope. There is always a chance where there is life and what is lost only needs the will to be found again. Keep your hand extended out to reach and your heart satiated and as full as can be. I have no doubt the "one day" you've been believing for will come and when those days arrive for you... I'll do my best to celebrate by your side. Till then... hold fast my love. Shut out the noise. Look around and find the beauty that surrounds you... use the blessings you find to cultivate the hope you need to make it through the days and nights ahead. I have been shown much on my panoramic screen. From ashen surfaced skin to a spirit engulfed in light and everything in between. I could've closed my eyes and gone home... but I decided to stay instead. Hope is a powerful thing... I'm out
Folks, among some of the roads behind me, you will find weak crossings where bridges once stood strong... broken just enough to be uneasy to cross... but never by own hand. Broken bridges that were once beautiful. That at the time of their construction, were meant to last as long as life itself. Now I understand full well that broken and/or burned bridges are common among human roads but not so with me. In fact, I can name them all because they are so rare. Now one might ask: "Isn't it normal to break down at least SOME bridges?" Sure... but after coming to know why they were broken on my roads to begin with, I make it my business to need real serious reasons to do so. You see, I understand that there is more to value in the souls that surround me than simply what I could attain for personal gain, but not everyone sees things like that anymore. Especially in a world where relationships of every kind have become extra entries on accounting tables. Where "transaction" is the "end all be all." I can tell you that most have been broken down by folks that felt I truly had nothing more to offer them, when the truth was more akin to me not relenting to what they expected of me within their time frame. Friendship, honor, integrity, counsel, support, etc... I suppose all these were simply window dressing to them. I'll never really know. It felt like they wanted the store, and when I didn't surrender it as "expected" by conventional love... they turned into something else. Almost as though they purposefully became something I wouldn't want to associate with just to push me away. Yet instead of believing the façade they were trying to portray... I'd just move on knowing they just didn't have the temerity to tell me how they really felt.
In my moving on, I'd look back from time to time and see the bridges that once stood beautiful, turned into a "not to even consider" perilous crossing... for absolutely nothing at all. In my worldview, you do that to enemies or people who treat you badly. You don't do that to people that would stick by you come rain or shine but some folk do sh*tty things sometimes because they were either secretly really sh*tty people (something I choose not to believe of those I've encountered) to begin with or because they were in such a severe state of survival mode after trauma, that they inadvertently wound up "pre-emptively" hurting folk close to them in a move their overly cautious minds saw as defensive. Having experienced the latter up close and personal, I can tell you that if these can't find something legitimate to hate you for... oh, they'll make some sh*t up to justify taking a sledgehammer to that bridge. Unfortunately, I've been on the receiving end of that one too many times. I decided some time ago to let some bridges burn, and in every instance, my method begins at heart. The second I start seeing and feeling disrespect and indifference, I ain't gettin upset. I just say "Okey dokey" and get my heart ready to internally relegate them to where they belong until they are no longer in the special spot I had them in. It f*cking hurts every single time, but you get over it, and you press on. Spilled milk and all that you dig? The love remains, but you just come to accept that the hints they were throwing out at you were more "directives" than hints, and you don't look back. Maybe I believe too long or love too hard, but I ain't ever changing a thing about that. I will always remain as I am. After awhile, you learn to stave off bitterness and anger because the only person that hurts is you, and you eventually take on growth instead. Where others look to replace what was lost because they suffer dependency issues, you replace what was lost with a new level of growth that will serve you on the roads you must travel alone. You become "more" to be able not just to stand alone... but to dance alone if need be as well. That's a whole nother study...
Why am I the way I am? Because I understand that people are fickle... me too. I was talking to someone I love about this a few days ago. I hate being alone, but I despise being tied down just as much, and this puts me at a disadvantage. My passion for life and living and all things beautiful is intense, and because I understand such things come in bursts... it's all I find myself wanting. Throughout our time on this earth, its the one thing that holds to memory beyond all else. I don't want the BS everyone else wants to "put up with" in order to have these moments grace them in between the mundane because given the climate these days, the "mundane" has an inevitability that includes failures and potential betrayal that doesn't just have the potential to "hurt"... but to leave scars that have the added downside of not being able to heal properly as well. After my divorce, I tried to have another relationship, and it failed badly, and even though it did, oh, we had some moments that were beautiful. The passion and the fire was there when it counted. I just didn't foresee the mindset needed for the time. Even though I'd been divorced for about a year already, I was still in married mode and due to this, had the mindset of a married man applied to my new relationship. After that breakup, I had a run at debaucheries. All the while doing my best to maintain transparency and integrity throughout... learning as I went. What I found was way different than what I had been used to as a married man, and slowly but surely, maturity waned in the zeitgeist, and I became a relic of the past. Today... love, peace, understanding, passion... are all just buzzwords folk use to sound esoteric and/or thoughtful, but to me... they have serious meaning. It is because of this... I don't mind being the relic I am, but it is also because of this... many will not understand me enough to trust that I am what I say I am.
This is why I have chosen the path I have, and it is not an easy one to take but I believe it satisfies the best of both my worlds. What I know is this: I will face being alone head on... but I remain believing that I will never allow myself to be lonely. Thankfully, I will always have the choice before me and as such... it will always be up to me. All I ask of those that I am connected to is the certainty of their choice. That the gatekeepers I fall for put a welcome banner at their gate and personally escort me in because without that... failure from uncertainty can easily become a self-fullfilling prophecy and I ain't about trying to convince anyone of anything anymore. You either "get" me... or you don't. Who knows... my heart may even set itself on a part three someday...
Thanks for the eyes and the proverbial "ears". I got some stuff to take care of... I'm out...
"when anguish inspired by the desire to truly live is sweetly poured into the pure waters of cosmic lust... it creates an unbridled passion that only abandon can release. such an elixir rests upon my table in my chalice of great price..."
and here he sits in solitude, waiting... before a dimming candle in the knowing. in the awareness of an eternity that has been known to sweep him up into naked ecstatic pain, pleasure and glory. in the acknowledgement of what is to come... his heart is permitted to call upon her own. pulling her in close from distances that wade across a universe beyond the veil of human existence. both naked and crystalline... floating in the center of the universe, he focuses in on a center of their heart's energy that burns brightest in them both. it is that anguish... that hunger for a life worthy of love, living and passion, that drives them both into the rage of the purest form of savagery. into a glide across hot, sweaty, stardust imprinted skin whose clawing resembles one looking to tear flesh from bone. into impassioned kisses that do not settle on lips alone but that find their satiation among the pleasure zones their bodies were designed to enjoy. into a oneness that cannot sit still... a oneness that writhes and moves in cosmic rhythm until climax claims its place among whispered tales of glory. rhythms that combine fusion and function to form an eternal bond. rhythms that cum slow and fast until the uncontrollable shiver tells the tale of an ultimate unending release. a tale that inspires tears only the acclaim of a beautiful moment in time can swoon into existence. tears we made love to. tears... that immortalize us...
and here he lays in solitude... ready to whisper yet again...
wander the cobblestone forest and bless the iron trees with your presence and beauty. grace the concrete grass with the pace of the queen you are becoming and bring it all to life. free your heart to fly as its' design demands... that the racing of your heart never slow or tire in the name of love. make it all green my love... your king awaits
release the heartfelt sigh and smile the smile he sees as a beacon in the night. summon his heart that rests neath the blue of his moon. where the blue orchids grow wild and rare... as rare as your heart is to him... and just as beautiful. hold them close now... as you await your king
and never let it be said that "love is dead" or that "wasted tears were shed". never let it be read that "passion's well has dried" or that "what we are has died". for what has been remains... passed others, loss and gains. in the coming and the going... in the waiting and the knowing. we are... who and what we are. my love... your love... our love... forever love...
you are beautifully and wonderfully ever-made for me... and you are alive...
Some time ago I had a dream. In this dream, I was awakened to find myself attached to an IV in a room that had the feel of a futuristic hospital setting. I noticed others being awakened along side me. We were greeted by several people with notepads telling us that our mundane lives were nothing more than a dream and that we were now needed to wake up to speak out against the lies we were being fed in our perpetual dream state. Yes, it was like the Matrix... just not as dramatic lol We all agreed to join the cause but something felt off about the whole thing. I noticed some that had been awakened for some time had a certain look about them. They seemed paranoid and unsure about everything. The ones holding the notepads that greeted us also seemed a bit "off". Like there was something rehearsed about the whole thing. After I noticed these things, in a instant, I woke up in the same room but this time, no one was there to wake me... I managed to get up on my own. I looked around in a panic because I was still attached to an IV and this time, the people with the notepads ran out to get some sort of security to subdue me. As I pulled off the IV, I noticed bodies were shrink wrapped and attached to the walls while they were being intravenously sustained and I had realized what had actually happened. The first "waking" was simply another level of control. An insidious form of control that had presented the false choice to serve one of two masters... forcing you into "a side". Seeing evil everywhere, this "awakening" altered one's clear perspective and had one questioning everything under the guise of a caricatured mask they falsely called "free thought". The second "waking" was the real one... that revealed the first for what it actually was. The "war" folk were fighting in the first "waking" was nothing more than another dream replete with heroes and villains. A dream that gave folk a false sense of purpose. Keeping them entertained while their own personal lives suffered indifference or neglect. Inadvertently destroying the fabric and cohesion of society in the process.
For the past three days or so, I have been looking under every rock trying to meet whatever is coming head on. What do I mean? I feel this strong sense of expectation that something big is about to take place. Usually when I have these intuitive feelings, they are centered around a certain topic or person... not this time. It feels like something is going to be sprung on the world and I can't tell if it's good or bad. All I know is that there will be a shift from one second to the next. I don't know if it's war related or financial in scope. All I know is that it WILL cause a visceral reaction that will move many to "act". I just can't put my finger on it and I've looked across the globe for news... it can be anything.
Now, please spare me the "I know what it is" that gets you tweakin on "Gitmo" and "clones". Most people that swear "they know" don't know a damn thing but have been duped into believing the outlandish due to the media's penchant for unsophisticated lying. I have come to a new rule of thumb. When you hear or read someone declare "we've been lied to", understand the chance they just picked something up based off pure speculation and conjecture that should've stayed on BCAT goes up exponentially. This world and it's order of thought is so jacked up, it's become very difficult to stick to linear truth on most topics. Everything seems to have a fork that can lead one down a rabbit hole & I will tell you the truth... it is in fact inspired by darkness which is exactly why I opened up this piece with my dream. Yes, certain things have been uncovered that were kept from the masses but what winds up happening is that the method of the cover-up begins to be applied to everything in the mind of the one doing the uncovering. So much so that nothing can be believed anymore and the only acceptable truth must be the one with the most nefarious explanation. Meanwhile, what IS actually nefarious takes a back seat to what is now "uncovered" as nefarious... allowing it to flourish. Is this some cooked up grand plan or is this just the by-product of information overload? If you enthusiastically went right to "grand plan"? Please... "wake up"...
There is a warmth I feel when I come to find I've touched your heart. When I know I made you laugh or smile or even tear up on the lighter side of emotion... and I can say without a doubt that this feeling of warmth only manifest itself... when real love is present. It's like I held your heart in my open hand & gently blew a kiss it's way. You then caught it... and blew one back. No, it ain't wishful thinking or something my imagination cooked up. Nor is it something I could easily explain away that makes it easier for me to digest or accept in the attempt to reason it away. I have no idea how or why this could still be true but that's one "sickness" I don't mind not having a remedy for. Nor will I try to find one.
Someday all will be made clear... as will what to do about it. For now... things will be as they will be... until they aren't ;-) I'm out...
The stars are out, and I'd really love to see you tonight..."
There was once a beautiful box... whose assembly came without set rules. A creation of heart and soul that had men and women actually needing to learn each other before putting it together. It was this very process that made it special... and beautiful. A process that created boxes that were unique to every couple. Imperfect in design but special nonetheless. Yet due to it's seeming imperfections, some decided to create manuals on how to iron out the wrinkles of these boxes... and they marveled in their intelligence as they came to create "relationships in a box". A series of books, videos, social media posts and articles replete with psychobabble meant to inspire the creation of a series of lists of what one would want out of a relationship that usually included the only acceptable bar set so high, none but one percent of the population would be able to meet it. And so it went...
Men and women began to list out the superficial everyday needs that pacified "trigger points" of discomfort. Doing their best to remove the disagreements, the arguments and the disappointments that were known to be standard among the original boxes. The very things, that once overcome as humans, created something special... were now tossed aside. Yet along with those things, what was also tossed out... was the wider net of prospects. Men and women of "value" went from once being men and women of character to now being described as men and women that could meet the transactional needs that would make everyone "happy" and all things "perfect". The problem is... such things do not exist on their own. Just as it was, they needed to be created unique... not by meeting the terms on a list but by the ability to listen through touch, feel, passion and patience. By generating an understanding of each others inner workings so each could leave their own unique branding on their box. This didn't eliminate the "trigger points" but they were allowed to exist as part of a learning process that inspired growth. An inter-growth that allowed each to work through them as complete individuals able to express their most authentic selves without judgment.
Most men have checked out because they have come to understand that they, by virtue of these lists, can no longer meet the standards asked of them and those that can, now find themselves cycling through escapade after escapade of women that believe they will be the one to catch the "catch". Not understanding the power they have handed a slim minority of the population, they now find themselves disheartened by the imitators that claim "value" in their "doing" but are really only driven by a sexual agenda or an agenda of control. The complaints among the sexes have over spilled on the net as more and more realize the truth... you can "create" a home on your own but you cannot expect to find a human heart that will perfectly compliment that home without work & mutual sacrifice. In other words, humans are not robots. Nor do they come ready made to fit you alone. They are complex & require work to "become" but too many believe they could write out a list of what they "demand" or "deserve" (that's a funny one) and these will magically appear. Folks, if one does appear to meet all the check marks on your list, chances are... you're being duped someplace, somewhere and you will find out in time... and it will hurt.
As for me... I've decided to sit this one out altogether. My way is old school mature and I've written about it ad nauseam. I remember the old timers I used to talk to about relationships describe their endgames on the matter. Folks that were set and seasoned in their ways that pretty much understood that starting a new relationship with all the bells and whistles would require them to put up with a lot they have already exhausted the need and tolerance for. They actually believed they found a way to remove all the BS from their "relationships" without the need for lists or demands. You see these were folks content in their lives but missing that piece of passion and companionship every human craves. They did the "kids thing", the "white picket fence thing", the "PTA thing" etc... They just wanted someone they could connect with. Someone to just "be" with that was real when they said the words "I love you" or "I want you". They didn't need them to change their world... they could have their own. All they needed was to experience the truth of feeling wanted, loved & truly desired by something real. Even if that thing provided only half of the normal conventional "relationship"... they knew that if it was real... they would still have way more than those that had the 100% fake. I've seen these work till "death did them part" and it was impressive to me. I figure one or a few real ones like this and I'd be straight but there is no way in hell imma be bendin over backwards meeting expectations that I have already struggled to meet with others in my life. Especially when the "trend" is to meet this without reciprocation. I been there done that. I just want to love, laugh and live in earnest with someone that wants the same while I'm with them. No pretense, no expectations, no demands... just respect, love and passion. Most want it this way but are often too timid to admit it. They're afraid of being stigmatized so they accept it in secret. I have no problem with that and I've had to do that at times for THEM. I have loved and lost in excruciating pain and pleasure and guess what? I'd do it again and again in the fullness of all that I am... without apologies.
Today, I see so many folks waitin to meet "the one" that will fill out these lists facing disappointment after disappointment. Only to come to the point of giving up on love altogether or settling for something so bland, it makes you sad. They actually believe that what I just described is somehow degrading when in reality, it's keeping alive the most important part of human existence in ways that allows one to remain who they are after the most important parts of who they are have been branded into life (age making no difference in this equation). The problem? It requires brutal self-awareness, a mature mind, a tiny ego and a perspective willing to buck convention and today... this is few and far between. What's messed up is that most eventually come to this mindset a little too late. They come around as a last resort and by that time, sadly, among the masses... they have come to lose some of their appeal and wind up settling for the fakes they actually know are looking to use them. I look out into the zeitgeist on many topics and what I see here has me concerned about humanity's ability to think through love and despair. To be able to look into their prism and identify all the colors in between that allow them the come to the proper conclusions. Conclusions that inform their decisions on who or what they will allow into their lives and to what capacity. Too many are hurt... too many are lonely. I refuse to be a part of that. I am choosing to go my own way, even if it means I lose some of the ones I love... I'm out...
