Glimpsed Seconds...

i've seen a fire that flows just beneath the surface. like lava that has been contained by skin alone...waiting to be poured out upon it's desire. a desire held back by the fear of experiencing the pain and heavy frustration of it's loss. a fire that has the ability to consume everyone else save the one it's reserved for...her desire alone...

glimpses of a rising passion that has his lips being guided by his hands. hands that once held for healing and strength become the tools of his discovery. making their way up slowly beneath her shirt baring her beauty...revealing flame's flow just beneath her breast. a flame that now begins to seep out slowly from her neck...an invitation to a forceful bite. soon cracks begin to appear all over their bodies as this fire begins to embroil them both into the throws of passion...she surrenders to this abandon she so aptly named "finally"... soft gentle kisses organically flow into a once thought lost ferocious, rediscovered hunger needing to be satiated. fear and hesitation become all but lost to a thought..."you are mine". to be certain: nothing is sweeter and nothing is as pure...than a passion designed for one. glimpsed seconds into eternity. tasted to tease out the re-ignition of free flowing release. released...all over me... ~moses apollo

The Writer...

"...they'll be talkin bout you long after you die..."

Fantasy and romance was the genre and she had already written quite a few novels. She needed a new protagonist...she apparently found one online that fit the bill. Both in look and life. How could she not read him and come to use him as inspiration? Except this cat was real. He had his own adventures...except these were not written for the woman lookin to get off. They were written because they were lived out in earnest. She didn't know he knew...so what pray tell should he do? Heh...ain't no thing baby...just another chicken wing on a string... 

Enjoy the hell out of it and have some fun...

~me 

For Us ALL...

"...how does it feel to be one of the beautiful people?..."

Think back to when you were a child. The age when your parents took care of the rent, the bills and the food you ate. You had one job...and it was to navigate this thing we call life. Except for one thing...the most important things, the things that allowed you to concentrate on the minutiae of every teenage issue was being handled by adults that had no time for such inanities. While you had the freedom to feel the weight of peer pressure you'd often succumb to, your adult minders couldn't care less what anyone else thought of them as priority had drawn out their self-awareness into an efficient machine stripped of all unnecessary bullsh*t. Why? So they could better operate life...

This may not have been your experience with your parents and no, it isn't always the case exactly but there is always some variation of this found in every human that "grows up" and "grows out" of their childish needs and the phantom weight of it all. A perfect example of this is found when the adult finds the accuracy of world events or news beneficial to their everyday, the teenager they support relies on their inner circle for news. An inner circle that will most often than not, exert peer pressure to impress upon themselves the popular view as opposed to the accurate fact based one. God forbid they should display "wrong think" even though what they believe is easily provable nonsense that requires the ole fingers in the ears "la la la la" song and a 3rd grade level insult to get through a debate. Why is the teenager like this? It is our base level to want to be loved more than hated. To "feel" right before their peers than to BE and/or stand right alone. A base level we, through responsibility are meant to grow out of. The main issue? They don't NEED to be any other way. In other words...they don't NEED to "grow up" yet. All their needs are met as they should be and all this angst and wrongheadedness we all go through is a necessary phase that is part of life. In time, we learn to let go of the teenagers weight we come to find no longer has any hold on us as adults. We learn that "he said, she said" means very little. We learn how to let go of excess baggage. We learn how to judge the news accordingly, using independent research, reason, facts and logic as opposed to relying on the ideological friend or news anchor...or even the conspiracy theorist. We learn how to pick our battles and how to treat others as you would want to be treated irrespective of their thought process or station in life. Now I can excuse the teenager...but you adults out there...what's your f*ckin excuse?

There are adults out here that have most things handled. Whether it is by wealth or government help...they have very little to care about and tend to regress into some form of bubble folk. Bubble folk that pick up every trend and silly idea that comes down the insanity pike called manufactured "virtue". A manufactured virtue created by the "powers that be" that is meant to corral you into one group or another whose actions can be controlled easily by rage or indignation fueled by narrative alone. Accepting anything to make themselves look righteous in front of their peers (sound familiar?) and/or bubble. Many wealthy folk are no different except that existing with these types up close revealed for me an added feature: the assh*lic nature hidden behind their money. It seems that folk without an exorbitant amount of wealth understand that the social ladders they, by necessity must frequent will require of them some level of decency towards their fellow man whereas the wealthy will eventually come to believe they are the only ones on their ladder as they can always retreat someplace secluded enough to not ever have to frequent anyone. Being an assh*le is easy when you think you'll never have to see who you were an assh*le to ever again. You want to know who is genuinely decent? Watch how they treat people that can do nothing for them...or ever will. As an aside...this is also true for those "beautiful people" that find themselves in demand. Money, looks and fame...powerful "commodities" that can have the same ill effect if not kept in check. Interesting right?

Why do I mention all this? As a warning...a warning to those that may come into some money. Above all things, do not forget who you are and all you've learned through trial and error. After all your needs are met, your mind will find room to meander and you may even find yourself feeling the weight of little things as you once did as a teenager. Your free time will no doubt want to regress into social media but not as the measured adult you are. You may find some pet project that will require or be assisted by an inner circle that can even turn into a new peer pressure group demanding you tow their line of thought. Am I being drastic or too dramatic? Not in the slightest. Any or all of this can happen in the blink of an eye and you can become just like anyone else in line...losing who you are in the process. Losing the freedom you fought so hard to attain. Yes I said "freedom". To grow free and clear into who you were meant to be is the epitome of freedom. There is no one size fits all when it comes to who you will become but there is always a boxed type for those who refuse to move forward at all as though that was some type of flex. Don't let this happen to you. Keep your head and heart where they belong. Keep growing as a human being and refuse any thought to regress for any reason. I write this down now not just for you all...but as an earnest reminder for me as well...I'm out.

~moses apollo

These Are My People...

"...let it go..."

"She was his current mentor in a short list of mentors he's had in his life at the time and was a known Prophet in the church...a "seer" if you will. She had moved into the apartment right above him and after befriending her daughter that had a deliverance ministry of her own...he would develop a relationship with the family that came with an open door policy. Since then...he was never the same. You see, there was no lie that could get past her. She could tell you what you had for breakfast and what you were thinking as you ate but the difference between what she was shown and what the so-called psychic attempted to see was purpose. All was to glorify God as opposed to herself. She ministered to well known names in ministry around the world and here he was...a neighbor. A neighbor that became a son and a son that would soon become a brother. He'd study with her almost on a daily basis and came to find they would both learn from each other as the years progressed. She became dear to him...a spiritual mother. 

One day, as he approached her door, another one of her students met him in the hallway to warn him that she was not herself. That a "spirit of lunacy" was attacking her mind. He went in anyway and saw something he had never seen in all the years they were together...his mentor in her most vulnerable state. At first he was a bit jarred by what he saw but he continued sitting there in fellowship seemingly unbothered. He left that night and cried in prayer. Within seconds into prayer, a lesson was drawn out before him. An epiphany came over him that would change how he viewed humanity...SHE was human. He came to accept that no matter how strong or wise we could ever become...we would always be susceptible to something. In her case, her greatest power, if left unkempt, could become her greatest vulnerability...the ability to "see". The next day, he went upstairs as he normally would and sat with her ready to study. She, in the most humblest of tones...asked him for forgiveness and he just looked at her, held her and said "for what?". She looked at him in shock and began to explain what led to the attack. Before he left that night, she told him that even though he was so young at 16...his understanding spirit was that of a man of years. "Never change" she said...and he's done his best to hold to that ever since..."

My beautiful people, I have seen many in my life fail and have witnessed the devastation of the strong seen vulnerable. Like men and women caught naked in an impromptu failure. They ALL felt not just the guilt of failure but the weight of letting those down that looked up to them. When you know that these giants, that have been teachers, mentors, good parents and friends have fallen, it is not our job to finish the job. It is our job to stay our self-righteous judgment and lift them up as they, in many times past have done for us. A few hiccups does not negate who they were and they require the most grace...as they have shown us the same. As a man, I've had my fair share of disappointments and I, as a man have been judgmental and biting (sometimes inwardly but seldom outwardly) but to a tee, I have done my best to repent and bounce back to show them love. You see I've learned a few things in my time on earth and one of the most important lessons is that to judge another...is to judge yourself the same. It is the understanding that these things can happen to anyone...including yourself, that fortifies this virtue. Not one of us is exempt from failure. Not one of us...no matter how wise or strong is shielded from our own human frailty. I can be upset on a thing all I want as is my right but when you know someone's heart has proven true and pure over time...show them grace. Pick them up and stiffen their backs to continue to be the giants you know they are...or are meant to become. Just as the judgment you show will be shown to you someday...so shall it be with grace...

Why this? Because I know you and your heart...and I will always do my best to never kick you when you're down. I will do my best to stay until you are healed of your wounds even if it is at my expense. Never be afraid I will cast you away. Is it because I am so great? No...I'd just like to believe I'd receive the same in return when needed. Besides, when love is in the mix...this should be the standard. None of us will ever be perfect in each others eyes but we choose who to love and/or befriend based on the weight of what we find acceptable or "good". Does it outweigh the bad? Is it by miles? Then yeah...these are my people..."gold". I know this conflicts with the entitlement lists of "approved/denied" that are out there but my word to you is this: have your lists if you must but if you've taken the time to weigh their heart and found it gold, see to it that it has enough weight to negate a few items off the "denied" column. I recently read the letter of a man that was conflicted because he met a wonderful woman he was really beginning to like. His issue? She farted every time she peed. He needs a backhanded slap. My people...don't be that man in any variation. 

So you that are strong that have failed...take my hand and get up. You have one that still believes in you. Become the giant you were meant to be. Forgive yourself and keep moving forward and upward...I still only see "you". If there was ever a word I could leave you with is would be this. Love...live...love my beautiful people...I'm out.

~moses apollo   

Humans "Becoming" Human...

"something's leaking

leaks from your eyes while it steels by surprise

stop wasting your words from running out

as you're running out of thoughts as your burn is burnin out

watch it as it flows through your hands

& whispers close as it whispers away

...you get up..."

Almost every time I go through a thing I like to document my internal struggles like normal folks do with a diary...except my diary is open for all to see (Yes...i know I've written that numerous times but new folk come and go here). When I read this back, it's informative to me. I can see where my mindset change failed or succeeded. I can see where God intervened in unexpected ways and I can also see when every footstep seems to be unnecessarily staggering on flat roads. What does this mean? It means that where I should be concentrated on the road ahead...I'm looking at externals that surround me. Externals that can actually turn my win...into a perceived loss. This allows me to self-correct and to adjust where others would not. It helps to train my focus where it belongs as opposed to obsessing over silly things that really don't need my input any longer to work themselves out.

This is called self-awareness. At first, it takes us a few hits of [insert trial here] to self-reflect and adjust but after a while, it becomes instinctive...and you just do it. Too many have the idea that people that seem to walk in straight lines are "rocks"...nothing troubles or bothers them. That they must know something you don't...uh huh. What do I know that you don't? That the quicker you recover from your stagger, the less the stagger is seen. What once took me two weeks to figure out, now takes me seconds to days. Shorter time periods that prevent you from seeing me stagger from the hits. So naturally I look like what? Like I never even flinch at the hits. The quicker you recover, the quicker you press on. It doesn't mean that I don't go through what you go through. I just go through the hard stuff faster. It's just a testament to how many times I've been through a thing and have come to grow from it. Understand something my beautiful people: an 80 lb dumbbell doesn't stop being an 80 lb dumbbell just because you've become stronger...it's still 80 lbs.

It is human to feel pain but it is also human to know how to identify how much farther you can go under its duress before you need to seek help for it. As a baby, you are expected to cry for something you want. As an infant, you are expected to ask. As a teenager, you are expected to try to get it yourself, with the available option to ask if you can't. As an adult...you are expected to be able get it for yourself and for others. Every step moving upward in the ladder of existence...becoming more every time. The learn-ed of this age for some reason have taken to teaching the stunting of growth. To become "stuck" on what we feel and to enter into a cycle of despair we learn to "live with"...and call that "healing". The addict is taught that they will always be in "recovery". A process that I truly feel has more to do with job security than health care. I am one that believes we never stop growing and that recovery is only one step of every phase of growth. After recovery...there should come an adaptation. Some folk want to keep you on "recovery"...not me. Get up and take the next step...

Face your test or trial, stare down every feeling and emotion (feel what you need to feel-VERY important)...dissect each one. Find their place inside and reconcile (or discard) each one based on who you really are. At first, it's an ardent process that demands self-denial and looking at yourself from the outside in but it gets easier in practice over time. Using reason, truth and experience...you come to add what you've learned to the arsenal, character or passion that defines your existence. You grow...and you grow the way you are meant to. Not textbook like Johnny or Sue...like YOU are meant to.

In this phase of "shedding" (letting go) you've been reading me moan about, I have come to the conclusion that not all my "shedding" will be of my own making. That some skin will fall off on its own...or eventually become something that fits on me better than skin. Better than anything I could have even thought up. That maybe all the skin I've been tempted to peel off is undergoing a process of its own that will eventually come into a beautiful alignment with my newly formed skin, bones, heart and mind. I come to this conclusion and remember the many times I've been told "don't pick at it or it will get infected and/or leave a scar". Well my beautiful people, I've shed A LOT. As for the rest...I'm done pickin. Oh!!! that analogy was good!!!...i'm out...

~moses apollo 

Trust The Process...

"Drive, drive drive, drive. You want to drive all night. Follow the yellow lines

Don't stop or look behind and you don't want to know where you're going

Just want to get lost sometimes together. Drive, drive drive, drive

Get lost together..."

THAT is what I was told by a "pretty" beautiful soul simply interpreting a thing and wow is that humbling. Humbling because I tell everyone else the same. Humbling because I know this to my core but I STILL get restless on things I thought would go as I thought they would but never varied on "the how". "Trust the process" and it was on one particular subject that I thought would have been clear by now but isn't. It seems everything is bigger than I thought and with me...it usually is. Keep missing that. I've been so focused on one non-linear occurrence happening "in the now" that I hadn't considered the rest to be just as non-linear. Ok then...fine. Stay on the float...I will wait. In the meantime...humans gonna human.

Remember my last post on "the little things"? Her answering me as she did? That was her unguarded self and it was exactly what I meant. Two answers in one...interesting. I'm out...

~moses apollo

On The Little Things...

"..."

I was never one for the big gesture. I always looked out for "the little things". Those things that a person did instinctively that were tied into their character. Never meant to impress or even send a message as these came from the natural pool of one's center. I was more interested in what a person was like "switched off" than when they were in "entertainment" mode. You see when we're "switched on", we watch what we say and do. We put on our Sunday best and make sure to put our best foot forward. Now because it's usually the case that I'm either being subtly challenged or subtly entreated, I've had to look at even subtler moments. Those moments between "transitions"...when they believe I'm not looking or am otherwise engaged to find the "real". I then do my best to hint this side out along our course. You'd be surprised at what you find when you get folk to just "be". Shoulders relax, jaws unclench and a natural order flows out like an even more beautiful stream than what was at first presented. 

Don't get me wrong. I dig "the big gesture" but you only find the intent of such things in the real. If it were up to me, I'd do these anonymously but these days, you have to attach your name to most things. Why anonymously? because there is a purity in that. You get no pat on the back for it. No accolades for a semblance of greatness that can be achieved by anyone at anytime. If I'd want a pat on the back for anything (and believe me...I REALLY don't) it would be for my character and my love. That...is solely mine. I grew that in my backyard. Years watered by pain and experience, it is what remains no matter the circumstance. As this is what I value...this is what I look for over time. At times, I will create scenarios that will bring out the real...and I just watch. I can say that I've been both pleasantly surprised as well as taken aback by what I've found but if you find yourself needing to plan a thing or two...you need to be sure of certain things. The little things...

I am a hopeful romantic that has the ability to surrender much but I have developed a more cautious approach in what I decide to surrender to...and to whom. My Lord teaches that if I am faithful in the little things that don't seem to matter to most, I can be trusted with things of consequence. That...is among my code. These days are the days of the "spectacle". The show that defines you in the eyes of the masses. So naturally more and more have taken to faking their stance and/or stature for the sake of those that are constantly watching. Fantasy is a child's drawing but the real is an architectural masterpiece. That is what you show at trial. That is what you show when it counts the most. In "choosing"...watch for this. Don't look at the show to make your determination. Look in the silence. Look beyond the make-up and the Photoshopped presentation. Wait till you see them spiritually naked...when the façade no longer makes sense to hold up. Can you live with that? What parts of it can you tolerate? What about them? Are they going to need to walk on eggshells around you? Never be themselves for fear they will not be "approved"? That is not sustainable or good for anyone. Questions you must ask if you love them beyond yourself. Love is good and fine but love does not determine what is sustainable beyond itself. Character, self-awareness, maturity and trust does. Bolstered by true love...these are the power pillars. In short...the secret to longevity in comfort...will always be the real.  

All that I have written has left me naked and bare as it was purposed to be. Those that have met me are usually surprised to find it so. My creed has always been to take me as I am or not at all but all that I am needs fertile ground to flourish...it's true for us all. Not some pavement laid out for each others benefit. No one flourishes in those conditions. Some folk look for conditions to be perfect before they allow themselves the freedom to explore certain areas of a thing but I have found much can get lost in the waiting. I should know...I thought the same for a time and have found myself having to let go of things that will now be relegated to the "woulda, shoulda, coulda" chest of my hearts basement. In this age, those "little things" are a rarity and are now sought by me like a man mining for gold in a dried up stream that once ran clear. I find them as some find me but it still saddens me to see them wane in the shadow of "the show". As destiny approaches, I'm feeling that pull to make more definitive choices. Some easy...some hard. Choices that will remain undone for a long time to come and those little things are now all most of us have left as true markers.

My beautiful people...times are changing and you will need to choose what you need to take with you. Vet all that you are worthy of and stay clear minded in your choosing. It might look real nice now but how will it look under pressure of a storm, uncertainty or loss? How will you determine this? Look back on the little things. Of all things...it's what I would like to be remembered for. How I made you "feel"...even in the little things. I'm out...

~moses apollo

Human Radio...

"i'm reachin' out to the human radio

to get a jump on 'em, a witch hunt on 'em

get the money, throw the tantrum

the human radio is playin' your anthem..."

ok folks, im going to talk about something i've spoken about before...being empathic. eyebrows raised? smirkin? scoffing? don't care, just keep reading. too many (including "empaths") think this is an "out of this world" super gift that requires chanting, meditation & a consistent zen-like state...bullsh*t. if you know anything about frequencies then you'll understand what i mean. ANYONE (no, we're not special) that is internally/eternally minded WILL at one point or another "pick up" a strong emotion the same way a radio "picks up" a signal. the greater your mindset into these areas, the farther/deeper your reach will be. this is why most people will claim they "feel" a certain way about a subject...even when said subject (logistically) should not affect them at all. consider how the mob mentality works: those that USE it for control will always claim it's a thought or an idea that moves people when they know full well...it's all emotion. every event involving a mob always involved an emotional story that drove the narrative that drove the mob. we are actually "picking up" frequencies being shared among the masses (political/world affairs) or in the case of one more "in-tuned"...someone specific (personal affair). when does this become dangerous? when you start claiming these feelings as your own. this is when you are either being controlled (mob mentality) or when you start asking yourself "why the hell do i feel xyz?" and jump to the defaults: oh i must be bi-polar, depressed etc (go down the f*cking list and pop a pill) and you start to believe there is something wrong with you. nope...you're fine, stay mindful. you're a just a "human radio"...congratulations. you can brush it off like most do or you can cultivate the "gift" to use it for good.

i have to say this: there are some extremely rare folk that will somehow (either naturally or developed over time) have the same frequency as you do...down to the decimal points. they are usually family or lovers but sometimes they are folk you ain't even met yet. you feel their deep emotional states even when they've become adept at hiding (or dismissing) them entirely. there are many times my mother will call me and instead of saying "hello" will immediately ask "what's going on with you?". that is where it is used for good. that for me is a normal thing and it can also be a pain in my ass. why? because there are times i'll know when something's goin on with someone that will always give me a "i'm fine". in those cases, i've learned to just pray over them and deal with the emotion. lately i've perceived a sense of deep heartache i know is not mine but for some reason, i also "know" this emotion is not theirs either or in the least is meant to drive them into a state of sorrow or confusion over something perceived in error. how do i know this? it comes with the gig. they may be entering into a state of sorrow they are meant to help someone else with...someone close to them. with some of these, i know it is no longer my place to say. not my choice...

now, there are people that will tell you to embrace all emotion...even if it makes no sense. to a point, i agree with the premise but if you are experiencing an emotion that is unjustified by reason (you know that thing we humans have to use that is in short supply) then either shelve it, surrender it in prayer or knock on some doors to see who may need help. do not entertain something you know is a 2 but are feeling as a damn 9. you will make huge mistakes in judgment and you will also start sobbing over hangnails. this is mainly for those that lack the self-control that tempers expression. "trusting your feelings" only works AFTER you've interpreted them properly. you feelin something? give it time and think it through before going all half-cocked. everyone has somebody you'd rather not text with too much because you know they will read into something you say as a negative. these folk, for whatever reason, do not take the time to question themselves before allowing a conclusion to set in. before you know it, they're pissed at you and you don't know why. it's a normal thing that happens. as a writer, that happens with me all the time but i cannot parse my words for fear they will be misinterpreted. it's frustrating as hell sometimes but i can't be mad at them so i deal with it since its all i can do. gotta wait until they figure out you didnt mean what they think you did. some will read that and "textbook" shout "gaslighting!!" but gaslighting requires one to gain power over another and this is far from that. this is a call for everyone not to waste time on emotions that drain you for nothin. to really explore what you're feeling and more importantly...why. after that...you do you. if you are indeed picking someone else up...you might just be in a position to help, listen or pray.

so why this topic today? because i give a sh*t and topics like this are seldom discussed outside of quackery. i see more and more folk that have this ability getting confused or thinkin they're losing it in this emotionally charged era. these will draw and be drawn to hearts and minds that will have them opening portals and doors they DO NOT want to be opening. 9 times out of 10, what comes through will not be having their best interests at heart. remember that this is a "soul" thing (human) way more than it is a spiritual thing. you want to cultivate it? learn how your internals work the same way you would learn a friend or lover. learn to take the time to listen to your hearts true direction. test and temper intent. we all get things wrong about people yes? what makes you think you wont get anything wrong about "you"? i get things wrong all the damn time and people call me wise...go figure. anyway...we return you back to your regularly scheduled programming. i'm out...

~moses apollo

Where The Music's Going...

Tell me where the wind is blowing cause that's where the music's going

You are my big dark blue and I want to swim all around you

You are the sweetest melody I never sung

I feel like I know you but you're just a ghost to me

And when I sit beside your shadow somehow it comforts me

You are the sweetest melody I never sung

You are the island of love my remedy to rescue me

You are a breeze of a song that carries me

You are the sweetest melody I never sung

La

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

La

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

La-la

I've got a hole the size of your touch that fits in your arms as much

And when I try to fill it up the hole gets bigger every time

You are the sweetest melody I never sung

You are the sweetest melody I never sung

You are my island of love my remedy to rescue me

You are a breeze of a song that carries me

You are the sweetest melody I never sung

Canta canta mi luna mi luna llena

Esta melodia que es el abismo adentro de mi

El abismo adentro de mi

Mi luna mi luna luna llena

~Patrick Watson