The Lost And Found...

Who are they...where do they come from?...

I wish I could say exactly but all I know is that "these are they..."

They see too much.  They hear what others can't.  They see the beginnings of things and their eventual end.  They can spot the deception in what is called "the way".  They can spot the truth in the lie and the lies that soil the waters of truth.  They see the pillars that have fortified man becoming subtly consumed by darkness with no way to stop it.  They stand alone...and will ever be so.  Why do they exist?  What do they do with such knowledge?  Are they being prepared for something?  Are they to speak out even though no other eyes will see what they see?  Are they to just watch until their time comes?  What does "their time" even mean?

They've come through much and experienced the limits of what is called "man"...awaiting something beyond even themselves.  They now trudge along a path clear by all the signs that no one else adheres to anymore...

Their sanity is now called "madness"...truly alone...

Their eyes fasten them to a path that is mired in shadow until the day...

~Apollo 

Maybe It's Me...

I cannot complain when I feel slighted by some things that become routine because I fear that my complaint will produce an empty gesture that should have come without a word being said.  I can count those moments on two hands.  Those that came from the heart.  Those that are real...they last a very long time folks.  They came as a surprise to me.  Those are too few and far between for me.  I'm usually the one to see my own fault before anyone else has the time to complain about it.  I will admit my fault and repent.  If I'm wrong, I won't fight to win an argument.  Shit I'm not perfect but damn.  I feel like I perpetrated this myth that I can't be hurt no matter what.  I need nothing.  I've even said so on this blog but I'll tell you the truth.  Hold up that wall long enough and your muscles will look to outlast your tendons.  That shit don't heal folks unless you stay immobile for a very long time.  Time and stillness I cannot afford.  It can and will wear you down.

I remember feeling like a fish out of water when I received a Christmas gift.  I didn't even know how to display appreciation.  The look on their face as they looked at me was one of confusion.  I may have said "thank you" too many times but it was empty.  I am the man with a thousand dollars in his pocket sportin fucked up boots because I'm afraid someone in my circle might need something.  I'm always last on my list.  Noble or stupid...I don't fuckin know.  It's just sad that I didn't know how to react.  Truth is I still don't.

Maybe it's me...

~Apollo

PS:  This is the extent to my pity fest...

Weakness...

I trudge along this life spectating as I go.  I see so many patterns.  I see the inception and death of ideas. The incarnation of fads that lose their meaning in the zombified mob only to retain their originally intended effect.  It is the very reason why I despise the convention of the mob.  Fads are fickle.  They are meaningless.  They come in a wave and are washed right back out to sea.  To adhere to most trends, you must be willing to accept the hypocrisy behind their adoption...

I'll tell you why.  A man does three years in prison.  He quickly comes to learn there are "signs" he needs to look out for.  Among these signs, he comes to learn about "sagging".  A way to wear one's pants so that half of his ass is showing.  He finds out that those that wear their pants this way are sending out a clear signal that they are ready to get fucked in the ass...prison love.  He is repulsed and certain that he will never wear his pants like that.  He is "sure as hell" not about to ever give out that signal.

Well, after three years, he comes out into the world and to his dismay, he sees that "sagging" has been made popular by rap culture.  Every wanna be "thug" now finds it cool to inadvertently say "hey, I'd like to get fucked in the ass too".  This man maintains his ground.  For a about a year he bucks the trend and stays true to his conviction.  Even going so far as to letting people know what it really means "to sag".  OK?  Then what?  Well, since most of the friends and family he hangs with are "street", they "saggin" too.  After a while...this grown as man is doin the same shit...

What happened to the stern determination he found in the logic of all he lived?  What happened to "I would never..."?  All that shit went out the fuckin door because homeboy couldn't stand the heat of remaining sane in an insane world.  You know that cat.  The cat that feels ashamed just sittin in a club sippin on his drink while everyone else dances.  He eventually gets up to dance even though he really didn't want to.  You see, we all make determinations based on the logic of cause and effect.  We reason, within seconds, whether or not the cause is worth the effect and it is through that reasoning that we create our own boundaries.  Boundaries that allow us to maintain structure within our worlds.  Boundaries that are strong enough to keep the "crazies" out.  Boundaries that are flexible enough to bend but so strong they can never be broken.  Our jail-buddy became a hypocrite by adopting something he knew would debase him based on all he lived for three long years.  Not to be passed over by the trends, he sought rationalization for his "change of heart" so he said to himself..."hey, that's what it means in prison, that's not why I'm doing it".  Mother fucker thought it looked stupid and he was right.  It's intended signal only added to his logic.  Now, he swears he looks hot this way.  Now, he's the shit lol  So what happened?

Weakness...

Read that word over and over again.  Understand that we have all fallen victim to it's wiles.  Understand that those of us that have wrestled with it can identify it better than most.  Now read it again.  I have seen too many good people stand for something for so long, only to be swept away by it's shallowed, empty wave.  We thought our foundation strong enough to keep us sane but we were wrong.  Our foundations went unattended while termites and corrosion took hold...weakening them daily.  Thinking ourselves flexible, we thought we could stand living on the beach...we were so very wrong...

~Apollo